Hi Twin, I'm sorry to hear about your son - doubtless, he'll learn from that one! It's good that you recognise some of this and see where your train of thought goes - shifting to a time when you felt others were judging your parenting.
I guess the internal intervention would be good before the above crosses into anger and resentment at your H. It sounds like for you that when something challenging happens, instead of just dealing with that challenging thing as a stand alone item - this is what is happening and I need to respond today - it gets linked to past stuff.
I think we all get flashbacks of how awful it was at the time. I guess if we can recognise and process them as that and only that, we've pretty much cracked it. But it's a shame if we continue to let them colour new things that are happening today.
Twin, it sounds like you might benefit from some support on this. I cant recall, are you seeing an IC at all? Or might there be some reading you can do on this. Essentially, it seems to be about processing and managing to release some of the negative things from the past. You can't change the fact that they happened, but you can work on the fact that they cause you pain in the present.
Nothing else helpful to add I'm afraid - other than I'm sure you'll get there with persistence and patience.
(((Twin)))
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
