I just read it HeavyD, and you're right... it's incredibly spot on. I want to stay married. At the moment, it feels like that is just not possible, as she put it yesterday: "We are NOT going to ever be a couple again, I'm being very clear."

Of course, I can't just rely on how things "feel", and she's being very clear in a clouded fog of her own doing, so that's what I'm trusting... that she can't be trusted, that I can't believe a thing she says. I am very anxious about this relationship she's about to embark upon with the OW. My natural fear, of course, is that if this person who I don't recognize is who she really has become, their relationship will actually have teeth and then I won't stand a chance. (And if this is who she is, then I can't be with her anyway.) I know I can't worry about that and I shouldn't even think about it, but I'm all too human.

I need the strength to GAL this weekend. I do have Friday dinner plans with a friend, and family plans at my brother's house on Sunday. And the OW will be out of town, so there might be an opportunity for dynamics to shift. It's such a roller coaster. Darkest time of my life.

Me: 46 Her: 41
M: 5.5 yrs / S: 20, 18
3/26 W and I meet OW
BD: 5/2/2015, she takes off ring
W goes to stay with OW 6/26
NC: 9/5 Both moved out: 10/16
I take off my ring and feel... healed: 10/19