Sis, They have moments of clarity and that's when they reach out to us. Yes, they even act like the people we actually knew pre-crisis. In many ways, he's touching base w/you to see if you are right where he left you. Yep, just like a toddler checks to see if mom is there if he/she should fall while learning to stand or take the first step.
I have some questions for you.
1. Did something happen approximately 18-24 months prior to him dropping the bomb on you (wanting to be alone, etc.)? Was there a death in the family, empty nester, lost a job, promotion, heath issues, etc?
2. Did he disconnect from his old friends and family?
3. New hobbies/interests?
4. Is he a workaholic or more of a party man while in crisis?
5. Does he still talk about needing his time alone?
6. Has reconnected w/old friends and family?
One of the reasons that he may be reaching out to you is because you are not in the area and applying pressure on him to be the man that you knew as well as the fact that you are not a day-to-day reminder to him of his past. Since you aren't pursuing him all of the time, he feels that it is safe to touch base w/you because you aren't going to question him on everything he says or does. In other words, you are not applying pressure to him to straighten up and come home. You aren't asking questions about the ow, the relationship or a divorce. You are allowing him time and space to figure himself out. He needs this time and space very much.
You've one a good job of letting him go and yet you have maintained kindness, love and respect. You've shown him unconditional love and yes, you've been his lighthouse in the storm. I would suggest that you continue as you have been a it has been working for you.
If you have not read these two threads, I would suggest you do. I think they will help you better understand what is going on w/your h, as well as describe reconnection.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
