if it's too late why is he still here?

[Bob723]

Morning Lost... I reordered your sentences to respond better.

You're both right though, I will add that to my list of questions for my next session with my DB coach. I've been confused because DB says NOT to confront, bring up R talk etc. and that I should be acting as if.

I think you have to understand what the DB coach says. I also think your explanation of DB'ing is perhaps only partly right. DB'ing is not the idea to NOT confront the other person. It is about doing what works and doing 180s. That is my perspective. I think the no confrontation piece is only if you are the pursuer while implementing LRT.

Would I feel better if I confronted him? Maybe initially but not sure about the long run. Although I'm losing hope that there will be any change (my sister thinks for something life altering has to happen for him) I at this point still want to save my marriage.

This kind of gets me a little funky. I can see my W in this sentence. Perhaps she did everything you are doing, but I never responded just as he is not responding. Once you drop a bomb, if he does want to save the R, he will go through this life changing time (as I have). It wasn't my W's words that got me, it was her actions to get rid of me. I caution you to not fall into that trap or be so incredibly upset with him (about what you think is going on, b/c honestly you don't know what is happening right now) that you can never reconcile.

Hello Lost,

I still think about you often, sorry I haven't posted in a while!

I feel I am all caught up on your situation and I can understand why you feel the way you do. When you have had your soul torn, which you have, it affects your entire life. It causes you to have a depressed spirit. The trauma of a broken spirit is very real.

It looks like you've been getting some sound advice, especially from our friend mahhhty. My W didn't confront me regarding things that were bothering her. What woke me up? If you recall, her leaving and filing for D the next day. That was 7 months ago today.

So, if you do want to save your M, don't fall into the same trap. Confront your H. I know you can do it.

I'll dedicate a prayer to you tonight.

*Hugs*

Bob