Dazed and Confused

[Archer1]

Completely unrelated, but does anyone know if it's possible to get that mail icon to stop flashing by the 'My Stuff' link at the top?

Try reading your messages.

Probably a welcome message from the forum as normally messaging is disabled.

It's not showing any messages. No big deal, I just wondered if I was missing something.

[Cadet]

Completely unrelated, but does anyone know if it's possible to get that mail icon to stop flashing by the 'My Stuff' link at the top?

Try reading your messages.

Probably a welcome message from the forum as normally messaging is disabled.

It's not showing any messages. No big deal, I just wondered if I was missing something.

I got this message almost 6 years ago

"Welcome to our forums! Please take a moment to review and update your profile and preferences to take full advantage of our features. You can do this by clicking on "Edit Profile" and "Edit Preferences" in the My Stuff dropdown.

Please do not reply to this message as this is just an automated welcome message to thank you for joining our community."

[Archer1]

Haven't updated since last week.

The only thing that has happened is one night W came home from work, drew herself a bath and took a long soak. She had the door open to the bathroom. I was watching a movie and I noticed the door had been shut. No big deal I thought. Then I heard loud thumping coming from the bath. I paused the TV and listened for it again. Thump thump thump. I thought WTF... so I went to the door and asked if she was alright. No answer. I asked again and no answer. I opened the door and W is sitting in the tub with the lights off crying. I asked her what the thumping was and she said nothing. I asked if she was alright and when she answered yes, I closed the door and went back to my movie. She seemed fine but still a little teary eyed when she got out but I didn't comment.

I've been lacking in my GAL attempts.

I have been really good about not pursuing my W though (aside from the asking if she was ok in the bath. Don't know if that's considered pursuing or not). That's one area I've been able to make some head way in. No texts, emails, starting convos at home etc. W has upped the amount she texts throughout the day. Still not a lot, but more than before.

Last I heard, W was planning on being out of the house by the end of the month. She must be a super packer though because I haven't seen a box one.

My PMA has been holding up real well. Always keeping a smile on my face even when she's in the other room grumbling about something.

There has been zero R, D, S talk.

I'm thinking this is the calm before the storm, but who knows. I'm trying not to have any kind of expectations, but it's hard to keep the thoughts of how it was and how it could be again out of my mind.

Just gonna keep on keeping on.

Hope everyone has a great week!

[Archer1]

I know my WW is supposed to be confused by my ' as if ' attitude, but why in the hell does she have the same attitude!? It's driving me a little crazy that she can walk around the house like everything is fine.

It's like she couldn't care less. No emotion. No nothing.

What I would give to be able to hear her thoughts...

I'm sure she's just putting up a front, but still. Tonight has been a rough one, folks.

[Archer1]

I put some clues together and figured out who my W is having her A with. It wasn't too hard once all the pieces lined up. Knowing what I know now, I know that it's been going on for at least 2 months and is still going on.

I assumed all of this already, but actually knowing... it's making it hard. I feel like I'm ready to tell her to GTFO and file for D myself. I just don't know how I could ever go back to looking at her the same way.

At the same time I ask myself, what does this really change? Nothing really... I already assumed everything I now know and I still wanted the marriage to work.

I don't know. I know I'm rambling. I didn't sleep at all last night. Probably one of the hardest nights I've had since it all happened.

[NDY]

I put some clues together and figured out who my W is having her A with. It wasn't too hard once all the pieces lined up. Knowing what I know now, I know that it's been going on for at least 2 months and is still going on.

I assumed all of this already, but actually knowing... it's making it hard. I feel like I'm ready to tell her to GTFO and file for D myself. I just don't know how I could ever go back to looking at her the same way.

At the same time I ask myself, what does this really change? Nothing really... I already assumed everything I now know and I still wanted the marriage to work.

I don't know. I know I'm rambling. I didn't sleep at all last night. Probably one of the hardest nights I've had since it all happened.

Hi Archer, hope you don't mind me dropping by.

When my WW bd'ed I knew right away there was an A and who it was with. I had suspected for a long time there was something going on but I just couldn't believe she would do that to me. But she did and here we are. Knowing doesn't make a blind bit of difference except the temptation to snoop and contact the OM goes through the roof. Do neither.

Peace

[Matt777]

Archer -
The nice part about DBing is that it really is all about the LBS. The strategies and steps and everything are things you should be doing for yourself no matter what the S is doing. By trusting in the process, you'll come out the other side as the person you want to be. Ideally, that's soneone your W wants to be with.

The reason I say that is that at any time, you can decide that you don't want to be M anymore. Almost everyone's S has done things to seriously damage their Rs. The question every single person has to ask themselves all the time is whether their goal is to be married to their S. If that answer is "No", it's pretty easy to proceed from there. But it's a decision we all have to constantly re-evaluate.

[Matt777]

I put some clues together and figured out who my W is having her A with. It wasn't too hard once all the pieces lined up. Knowing what I know now, I know that it's been going on for at least 2 months and is still going on.

I assumed all of this already, but actually knowing... it's making it hard. I feel like I'm ready to tell her to GTFO and file for D myself. I just don't know how I could ever go back to looking at her the same way.

At the same time I ask myself, what does this really change? Nothing really... I already assumed everything I now know and I still wanted the marriage to work.

I don't know. I know I'm rambling. I didn't sleep at all last night. Probably one of the hardest nights I've had since it all happened.

Hi Archer, hope you don't mind me dropping by.

When my WW bd'ed I knew right away there was an A and who it was with. I had suspected for a long time there was something going on but I just couldn't believe she would do that to me. But she did and here we are. Knowing doesn't make a blind bit of difference except the temptation to snoop and contact the OM goes through the roof. Do neither.

Peace

To add to this, there are two outcomes of snooping:
- you find something. But you already knew something was going on. So all you've done is cause pain to yourself.
- you find nothing. But was it nothing or was there something and it got deleted? Or did you just not look in the right place? Ultimately, it's a rabbit hole that leads nowhere. Either way, you certainly haven't added trust.

So, what have you gained by snooping? Either a bunch of pain or nothing. So why bother?

Someone told me to just imagine your W is having the dirtiest sex you can. Then decide if you can still R. If that answer is "Yes" then there's no reason to ever snoop again.

[Zephyr]

Ok Archer...what can you do to get out of the house. There are tons of free activities out there that you can do through library / park district / forest preserve District / community colleges.

I found a $hit ton of these to get out.

There are a lot of folks Here who have been using meetup to find groups. I looked it up and was amazed at all of the structured and loose group activities that there Are to chose from.

Get out. Have a good time. No reason not to...what do you have to lose if you to out.

[Archer1]

Hi Archer, hope you don't mind me dropping by.

When my WW bd'ed I knew right away there was an A and who it was with. I had suspected for a long time there was something going on but I just couldn't believe she would do that to me. But she did and here we are. Knowing doesn't make a blind bit of difference except the temptation to snoop and contact the OM goes through the roof. Do neither.

Peace

I don't mind one bit. The more the merrier!

You're right. I was very tempted to contact the OM, but it's not his fault and it wouldn't do any good. All it would do is show my W that I still care. And I don't want her to see that.

Thanks for dropping by