drop the rope- part II

[sandi2]

Here is the next question, when there are advances from wife, do I embrace these or figure a way to decline. I am not going to lie to you and say that any of these things are unpleasant. When wife asks to snuggle in the AM, or just pops into the shower with me, or wants to sit down and talk and actually ask me about MY day...these are things that i desire very much (and i guess she knows that doesn't she).

IMO, if the W is still making contact with her OM and she's also making these types of moves on you, she is trying to have the best of both worlds. You supply some of her needs and OM supplies the rest. While some WW's are so bitter and resentful toward the H she doesn't want him in the same room with her......there are some who will want to pick and choose certain things to indulge in. (Family time, celebrating holidays and special events, having you to commence in conversations daily, and other things that were a normal part of your lives..... are common for the WW to want & even expects to continue doing. We call that cake eating.). And with some women, snuggling may be a need for them, and if OM is not handy..,...then they will let the H substitute. I have read where some HD women will have sex with OM and H. IMO, that is not ML, but simply her sexual drive leading her. Sometimes, an A shifts her sexual drive into high gear. It is the physical need she is after.

So, all women are not exactly alike, but I have not been convinced, yet, that WW's do not have a very similar mindset. Their needs may vary, but it is what is in their heart/mind that is what men need to consider. Unfortunately, most LBH'S gets distracted by something she does, and it throws him for a loop. I am very suspicious of any WW that would suddenly jump in the shower with her LBH. I can promise you, it's not to improve the MR. Her motive is selfish, b/c that is a WW's middle name.

I joke and say men are so easy, but most of you really are, especially if all she has to do is wiggle her a$$ and you are ready. Everything else goes out the window, b/c all you can think about is the pleasure you receive from it. You want to believe she couldn't or wouldn't do it unless she had loving feelings behind it. Sure, just like men never have sex unless he first romances his W. It is a hard fact of life for some H's to face, that his W could have sex and not have have the loving desire for "him".

I doubt that everyone agrees on what I have said, especially newcomer LBS's b/c they are like you......still learning. They are yearning to see anything that even resembles something positive. So, I understand, but I warn LBS's to tread very carefully or they will discover they have been set up.....or used.

Depending on how blatant she is with her A and how openly disrespectful she is of you, as to how you may choose to answer these examples you given. My favorite response is short and simple, and doesn't require excuses or explanations. "No thanks". she wants to cuddle with you while she has OM? "No thanks". You're taking a shower and she pops in, ready to have a grand ole time? "No thanks", and you get out of shower, grab a towel and leave the bathroom. She tries to initiate sex? "No thanks". And if she has the audacity to ask why, you tell her, "I am really not that attracted to sloppy seconds. And frankly, I deserve better".