In my situation (and in advising others who are at the stage you are at), I try to understand an important distinction:
FEELINGS -- romantic, "IN-love-with-you" feelings -- will take several months and even a couple of years to return following an affair. That was depressing for me to hear that when I was just starting to attempt reconciliation with my wife, and I in fact denied it was true, but it took a good 2-3 years for my wife's feelings of love and respect for me to return, and vice-versa.
The DECISION however to do what is necessary to repair the marriage following an affair is just that -- a DECISION. It should take no more than 5 minutes to decide -- certainly not more than 24 hours. Whenever my wife would say "I don't know if my feelings for you will ever return," I would say "I understand that and I'm willing to be very patient in that regard -- it could take many, many months. But whether or not you're willing to do this short list of things that I say I need at this point, to me, isn't about feelings. It's a DECISION that you need to make, if you want to remain married to me."
Maybe that's just me, but the "fog" doesn't need to be fully lifted in order for a formerly wayward spouse to decide on full no-contact and transparency and working on their marriage with their betrayed spouse.
Starsky
I understand what you're saying, and I'm not expecting the feelings to return quickly for either of us. That's not what I'm basing my pace on. I really think it's a good idea to take my cues from the DB MC who is directly interacting with us and observes H. He is currently struggling with expressing his thoughts and needs, and I think it is very important that I don't override him or try to control him or push him. I'm not willing at this time to force the issue and risk that he a) walks away, or b) becomes resentful over being pushed too soon. At some point, our MC will explain to him the importance of doing this, and he will hopefully *choose* to do it. If he won't, I have a decision to make.
M 16 yrs, WH62, P54 3 adult blended kids EA 11/13, BD1 6/14 PA fall 14, BD2 2/15 Piecing 2015, BD3 12/15 Separated 4/16 WH moved OW in 5/16 Divorced 6/15/17
