Ok - tha makes sense, as far as the sex goes, I was thinking in my head - don't do it. Personally, I think it is a good step towards reconnecting, but doesn't alot more committment to the Marriage need to occur? Doesn't a comittment to end it with OM and a transparency plan need to occur?
But, what would to have that situation happen to me from my W (sigh).
I agree that sex is not a good idea. My plan, if she even shows up, is to just be friendly, open, and enjoy the moment. I'm open to hugging and snuggling, but no R talk at this stage.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Good luck Kramer. I will keep you in my prayers that this is a step in the right direction for you. The right direction meaning, I hope she is missing you and realizing the OM can't hold a candle to you.
That's the right direction and amazing on how quickly this has come. Similar to what Sandi has talked about - not reacting or moving forward to quickly either.
Good luck!
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Here is a copy of the text exchange from last night:
Me: Sent home taco Tuesday for you but I'm told you made other plans.
W: Thank you. Not trying to poison me are you ? S17 said nobody was home tonight. They picked u
Me: Because you weren't there.
W: Not true. S17 texted me at 2pm to tell me. W: I'm gonna show up next Tuesday for taco Tuesday- not gonna compete ! 😜 W: What if I snuck in and surprised u ?!
Me: It would be awesome.
W:You don't have any weapons besides Poms do u ? W: Leave your bedroom door unlocked tomorrow
Me: Ok, I'll play along.
W: Goodnight
Me:What time tomorrow?
W: That would ruin the surprise now wouldn't it? W: Late...
Me: Gotcha. I'm intrigued.
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
Here is a copy of the text exchange from last night:
Me: Sent home taco Tuesday for you but I'm told you made other plans.
You don't contact her to tell her you sent tacos her way (after buttering up her kids) and then found out she wasn't home....and so now you are checking up to see if she's with OM. How obvious can you be?!
W: Thank you. Not trying to poison me are you ? S17 said nobody was home tonight. They picked u
Notice she did not volunteer to tell you her whereabouts.
Me: Because you weren't there.
Really Krammer? You are still picking to find out where she was...and telling her you know she wasn't home. This is a big red no-no!
W: Not true. S17 texted me at 2pm to tell me.
W: I'm gonna show up next Tuesday for taco Tuesday- not gonna compete ! 😜
W: What if I snuck in and surprised u ?!
Me: It would be awesome.
Softly chuckles and says, "If you were to sneak in, you might be the one in for a surprise"[/i].
W:You don't have any weapons besides Poms do u ? W: Leave your bedroom door unlocked tomorrow
Me: Ok, I'll play along.
Teasingly says, "Who said I was going to be home tomorrow night?"
W: Goodnight
Me:What time tomorrow?OMG! You didn't say that?
W: That would ruin the surprise now wouldn't it? W: Late...
Me: Gotcha. I'm intrigued.Seriously?
Krammer, you should be the one intriguing her!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
So here I was patting myself on the back that my wife is interested and making baby steps at having interactions and communication with me, and it looks like u screwed things up again. Am I sacrificing long term gains with this most recent exchange? What should I do then? Tell her to forget about it? Make alternate plans?
Or should I use the opportunity to just remain cool and aloof, and play hard to get in the future. What's done is done. Any silver lining here?
Me M51 WW F46 T 17 yrs M 16 yrs 9 children D29 D27 D26 S24 S24 S19 S19 niece18 S17 8 grandchildren ILYBINILWY: 12/15/14 I discover PA 12/31/14 She files D: 1/9/15 She moves out 3/2/15 D papers served 3/18/15
You have not screwed anyting up, don't beat yourself up.
I would play it cool and casual and see what happens. If nothing else, you could use it as an opportunity for her to talk and for you to listen. I would validate and be respectful and polite. Who knows what she may tell you?
I would not play "hard to get" as that feels artificial, but clearly your DBing efforts are working and she is very interested in you.
For me - the elements of reconection include:
Has the affair ended? Does she want to work on the marriage with you? Does she ask for forgiveness for her recent behaviors? Will she go to marital counseling with you?
Fingers crossed the conversation goes well.
Again, I am no expert, but these are just my thoughts.
