Anxiously waiting for it to fall apart

[dejavu2]

Thanks 25yMLC. I agree with much of your perspective. I know my life has many geographic confusions. 6 mos after we started dating he started traveling for work always saying he wanted to be home more. I had always believed the excuse of work hoping that day would come. However, each job he takes seems to take him away from home. He rolls in/out jobs in a 2-3 yr cycle. We moved from the U.S. 11 yrs ago (due to his job). For the past 3 years he was working/living less than 2 hours away - I suggested we move to keep family together, but he wasn't interested. He never came home for special events in my life or children's. He is consumed with success in the office. I always believed he wanted a life at home, but his actions never match his words. He has been off work for the past 6 mos and has spent most of his time playing tennis and watching tv. He engages with the children on his terms only.

I am ok with my transitioning life without him, just sad for the children. My life has moved on with friends & laughter meanwhile trying to understand WHY I have put up with his PA behaviour for so long, what am I getting out of this? How do I not repeat this again?
I don't expect him to change as he is running from himself not me or the kids. Part of me hopes he changes towards the children, but guess I need to realise he can't/won't. He uses chaos to keep me emotionally attached. There is always some big change/issue which needs my attention therefore unable to walk-away from him. (Major relocations, kids, new jobs... Potential new jobs...)

I have my plan which is to move back to the East coast with the children in Summer 2016. It would be much better for all if he also had a job on the East coast. As an ex-wife I no longer have to chase him or his job. There are pros/cons to going back to the U.S. Having lived a "local" life rather than an expat live, the kids actually feel more local than American. We have not been back to the U.S. with kids since 2009. But I do feel the pull get daughters' back even if for part of HS experience.

I have always believed that kids need both parents - both have an important role in building self-worth. However now pondering - is he actually positively contributing to building their self-esteem or is this just my version of a "happily ever after..."

Actually getting divorced where we are would be more adventageous for me from time and money. We can just get on with it. Waiting until he has a job and we move back ..... would add tons of time - we have no connections to any state and each state has different laws. Feels odd to be filing for divorce when he doesn't want to move out of my bedroom. I am hoping he gets direction on the job search and decides to set up his life.