Awakening

[Old Dog]

Maybell is right. You have to take it slow and easy.

Ask some vets for advice. Don't hesitate to butt into someone else's thread to ask: they won't mind. Do it now. We're all here for each other.

[tonibertha]

I've not been on here since my last post. Think I really need to be back here now.

So, my husband never moved in. He keeps postponing the move.

I've been angry at this but continued with him. Things have been ok, he's loving,mostly.

Two big Red flags: We had a fight the day before Christmas, so he didn't turn up at mine for Christmas, and refused to pick my calls all day. At my request, he called DD, and I feel pretty sure that I heard girls' voices in the background. He says he was at his friend's, a last minute Christmas plan. I didn't ask about the voices I feel I heard, but it really hurt that he disappeared for Christmas. Anyway I tried to put my fears away and focus on making the Relationship good.

We've been meeting up most weekends, he initiates this. Since weekends were a big issue in the past as he always had 'guy' so nights', I've been pretty happy.

So, yesterday, being val's day he turned up as planned, but told me at the start that he'd need to nip out at 8 pm for an hour to pick up a jacket he'd lost in a club the week before. I agreed, but when the time came, asked if he'd consider going there another day. He flew off the handle, saying that I don't trust him. Things escalated as we both argued our points, and he stormed out.

He didn't end up coming back, and chatting today, he says he's at the same friend's as Christmas. I know the guy, he's a mutual friend, but I just don't believe my H. Could he be seeing someone else and have spent both events with her?

What do I do now? I love him, but maybe I should just give up on us? I can't bear it if he's cheating again. I don't believe him, but how do I confront him without proof? And what would be the purpose of that? I am thinking of just going no contact. I am so embarrassed, can't talk to friends / family about this.

Please help...

[tonibertha]

Hi everyone,

I haven't been on here for a while, but I really need help with my marriage.

Long long story short, my H and I moved back in together 2 months ago after being separated for over 3 years.

I'm at a point where I'm considering splitting up again, and I want to save my marriage if I can, but I don't know if that's possible.

My H has probably slept at home 5 times in the last month (only once on our bed). I don't know where he sleeps the rest of the time.

Basically, my H's parents flew in a month ago for an operation for his dad. Unfortunately, his dad had a heart attack and pulmonary embolism before he could have the operation, and has been in hospital since. H's excuse for his current behaviour is that his head isn't right atm.

However I suspect he's either cheating again (he swears he isn't, but is a constant liar) or angry that I made him contribute to the bills this month (he contributed one - third, although he earns more than me). He doesn't think he should contribute as he says he is paying for his mums hotel (I'm not sure I believe him, as she talks as tho she pays, can't ask her outright).

Anyway, was considering packing a box tonight to move away for at least 30 days, just to jolt him, but I would really appreciate your advice. I'm currently giving him the silent Treatment (which I hate), but it has no effect as he only comes home when he's sure I'm out, meaning he's either taken annual leave or is calling in sick sick.

Family means everything to me, and I really want to support him in coping with his dad's illness, but he's completely pushed me away.

[Cadet]

H's excuse for his current behaviour is that his head isn't right atm.

I agree his head is not right atm.


I merged your post in with a previous thread.

[tonibertha]

Hi Cadet!

So what do you think? Am I being mean or unreasonable? Should I support him more /less?

I just want to feel like we're part of a team, like he cares about our family and sees us as a partnership? Cos he didn't pay any bills the first month either, and I definitely don't want it to be a standing thing.

At the same time, I really wish I can find a way to support him further.

Just tell me, I don't mind 2x4s, just want to figure out what to do

Mw, how are things with you?

[Zues126]

I think this M is worth saving. You can't do it by yourself, but you can do your part.

First off, you waited years to get here, be patient. Don't let emotions of the day interfere with plans for the life.

Have you two talked about going on any type of M building retreat? Or do you have weekly counseling set up? Or did you two think it would just work itself out? I'm just curious about his thoughts on that.

Hang in.

[tonibertha]

Thanks Zues. I have suggested marriage counselling previously but my H doesn't believe in 'talking to strangers about his marriage'. I haven't mentioned marriage retreats before so I don't know if he views those differently