For what it's worth, my parents divorced when I was young (at age 13 months, I think) - so that was my "normal." My mom remarried when I was six. My father was in and out of the picture due to his mental illness. He was (and still is) completely unstable and not at all a father figure.
I can say with 100% certainty that in my case -- divorce WAS (and still is) the best thing for my parents. The life that I would've lived is not something that I would've wanted to be subjected to, nor would I want other children to be subjected to.
Did I have my own issues? Sure. Did all of them stem from my parents divorce. Nah. I turned out ok (I mean, ok is a subjective term) - or at least I think so. One of my best friends -- her parents divorced and due to legal reasons that are private, neither she nor her mother have any contact with her father. My friend is one of the most well rounded, adjusted people I know.
My H's parents did stay together "for the kids" - in a very toxic relationship that has now bled over into both of their kids lives. My H and his brother both have serious issues themselves which can somewhat be attributed to their parents marriage. My other best friend? Her parents never fight -- have been married 35+ years - and she has her own set of issues: choosing the wrong man, loss of direction in life. My SIL: parents have been married for 30+ years. The definition of "good marriage." She struggles with self-esteem issues, anxiety, etc. My childhood best friend? Parents are together 40+ years. He has ALOT of issues.
What I'm getting at is this: I don't think a marriage or divorce or being civil or not can irreparably damage someone. Do I think that some issues might stem from it? Absolutely. But I think it's a contributing effect - and not a defining factor. So to speak.
But that's my .02.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
