Okay, so a new thread. Here's a review of my sitch.
We have been together for 23 years and married 17. We got together when he was 19 and I was 21. I suffer from PPST from sexual abuse from age 3 - 15 and then raped in college. When we first got together, I started counseling for the first time. I went to counseling and after over 9 years, was able to escape most of my demons. While this was happening, my husband and I did not have intercourse. We messed around, but I was never able to go all the way.. He asked me to marry him knowing I might never be able to be fully intimate. Luckily around the 8 year mark, that was fixed. He has always had a bigger drive than me, but we did okay. It has been the only thing we have ever really fought about though. Otherwise, we have been each other's best friend or so I thought. After trying for many years, in 2011 we had a beautiful son delivered to us and I thought we had the dream. Now, three years later I find that he is unhappy in his life. He says it's not me or our relationship, but that he has lost himself and does not know what to do. He also told me that he has spent too much time making sure that I'm happy that he doesn't know how to do anything else. He always thinks of me and our son first. He also says he knows that I've often told him to be honest with his feelings, but he didn't want to hurt me ever.
In the 23 years we've been together, he had not developed any other friendships without me around. He went to work and came home. Since January, he started going out with some people from work and one employee in particular at times. He is always open about his visits and tells me what he did, but I still wonder. I think there is an EA at the very least.
My H is now sleeping in a separate bedroom, but often acts like nothing has changed. A few a weeks ago, he told me he was going to leave, but not sure when. When he decides to move out, he tells me that he'll give me a month notice. Recently he has been more attentive to both myself and our S, has wanted to do things with us, and talked more with me at night (nothing heavy, but talking about everyday stuff) I'm struggling with doubt lately. There have been so many small signs that he's coming back to me, but still no R talk or indication from him that he's changed his mind. He is such an avoider of negative situations that I sometimes feel like he's relieved I'm not making a fuss and that way we can be friends until he's ready to leave our house.
Here are my current goals Goal 1: I will ask him about his work and how he is feeling when he comes home (but not pursue if he walks away)
Goal 2: I will support him in dealing with my S by staying quiet and letting my H deal with him his way. I will comfort my S while still concurring that he needs to listen to dad and follow the house rules.
Goal 3: I will tell my H that I appreciate when he does something for me, my S, or our house
Goal 4: I will lose two pounds a week, three weeks out of four
Goal 5: I will GAL twice a week
Goal 6: I will work out three times a week
Goal 7: I will make casual decisions without asking my husband his opinion
I’m in an anxious place right now and am very appreciative of the help I’ve received from Toots, Bob, Zephyr, and Cherry, and many others.
M 46 / H 43 T 24/M 18 S 4 11/6/2014 ILYBNILWY 1/16/2015 Living in separate bedroom 1/8/2016 H moved out
