Defacto - IMO, let it die. If it is going on, the more you snoop or expose, the more they may dig their heels in and stay in the fog. Also, it may be harder for your WW to accept you've changed if this comes up.
Nothing you can do about the A - let it fizzle out on it's own, work on you, etc. Your gameplan doesn't change.
Nothing wrong with a "hi" and maybe a "things are moving along as well a they can for me. I wish the best for you and hope you are happy, whatever the outcome. Take care."
I mean no disrespect to Ripken and you are obviously free to take anyones advice here. We all are in your corner just trying to help you with our unprofessional peer opinions. However, I respectfully disagree with this advice.
1. Affairs don't "fizzle out"...they are either in an unhealthy inappropriate destructive extra marital relationship or they are not. There is no going back to "just friends" or even a "professional relationship". That would be dangerous to the way wards and disrespectful to the betrayed spouse. Relationship OVER [no contact] or not.
2. Any progress you've made towards getting your wife back or to see you've changed is meaningless if the affair is continuing. ( I personally think and hope that it's actually over and OM has dumped her to a large extent but even them remaining coworkers and making daily eye contact is actually a continuing inappropriate and hurtful relationship that eventually needs to stop if this two want to ever reconcile).
3. "Nothing you can do about the A" = true and false. There are some things he can do like exposing the affair to the OM's wife which he has done and continuing to communicate with his ALLIE (OM's wife) to collaborate and insure that the affair is actually ending/ended/dead and not underground. OM"s wife is hopefully going to be a lot more aggressive keeping her husband in line (woman just naturally tend to do this). Maybe she's making her husband quit his job and move to another hospital or clinic. That would be good information for Defacto to know. It's not snooping...it's fact checking to make sure you aren't wasting your time trying to make love tank deposits with a person STILL in an active affair.
4. Watch your boundaries. Don't meet with her in person and don't spend too much time consoling her. You aren't there to help her save her marriage. This is just helping each other kill the affair to the extent she and/or you.
The internet is 90% complaining and entitlement and I hate it because I deserve better!
