So from what I have read about your sitch ... your wife really does not want D, but does not want to stop the A either ... cake eat much?
If she refuses to leave, seems hell bent on fooling everyone .. family friends etc into thinking she is still M, and all is good .. then appearances seem to matter more to her than doing what is right .. or actually pursuing the R with OM ... seems they feel that their little FWB aggreement works out for everyone ... FantasyLand ... he is not leaving for her, and she is not leaving for him.
At this point I think you have done all you can ... why not start the D papers? Not that you have to actually go through with it .. but at this point what do you have to lose? You are not happy, she will not leave, most likely will not give the house over to you.
But think of it this way ... if she is not D, that will change the dynamics of the A, its no longer a FWB A between 2 married people... its a .. well now this blew up and I am a divorcee and the OW to a married man.
Reading Sandis stuff ... she has stated a few times the WW does not wake up till she is faced with losing things that are important to her .. your W is cake eating and has had her way from what I see. Losing the house, splitting up the family is the result of all this that may happen regardless ... feels like you two are playing chicken to see who flinches
