Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Underdog]

Sunny,

Twelve years ago, I'd have been flabbergasted by the messy closet thing. But not today. My own XH yelled at me on his way out the door, "I hate that you organize everything! And that includes our vacations!"

I literally fell off my chair laughing at the time. I thought it was ludicrous and that he was completely off his rocker. But over the years, I found out that many of us have in common very poor communication skills. We and/or our spouses lack skills in identifying feelings and communicating in a healthy manner to each other, and often there is a passive aggressive component to this mix which makes it more than difficult.

I probably don't need to begin the dialog about what a messy closet might mean in the grand scheme. But if you want to start, I'll be happy to guide ya'll along.

(Maybell, I'm so sorry I've been AWOL - I've been avoiding this place because I've been dealing with my own grief and stuff and it's not been conducive to being a good mentor lately.)

What my XH was wanting me to understand is that my controlling nature was the #1 thing he despised about me. It took a long time for me to process this and have it make sense in an overall picture. I *did* control things. I *did* plan. I thought it made sense. But there were so many other pieces to this puzzle that, alone, this statement sounded stupid and childish. So my recommendation is to dig deep. See if that truth dart is something that has a basis in truth and it affects your life and relationship in other ways. A messy closet is usually symptomatic of other things - like being disorganized or undisciplined or dirty or lazy - you get it. Just like my "planning" gene was definitely rooted in my control freakishness.

Good luck with the downsizing, Maybell. I started to do it a few years ago when I had my house on the market. I'll probably be doing it for real in another year or so when I decide to actually commit to the process.

It will all work out. Let go and let God.

Hugs,
Betsey