I'm here again

[Zues126]

Hopeful, I've never read your sitch before that I can remember.

You seem very controlling, not just in what he does, but in how the relationship should be viewed. This goes back to post one (from round two) where you tell him what he has to do as a parent, then get upset for him not saying thanks for a gift he didn't ask for. It extends to your last post telling him what he can and can't do in counseling, trying to define for him how compatibility works, and a disdainful comment about how he needs to communicate with you if he wants to end things.

The problem with DB is that if you think reading this makes you wiser, your opinions more valid...and that since he doesn't know the 'interpersonal relationship rules' he's just immature, or flat out wrong- well that won't get you anywhere. The whole point of this is you being a leader to bridge the difference. Many M's are saved with one spouse leading the R.

I read about how your H said he loved you and hated you at the same time, how he avoided you and the kids. Prior to BD my STBX and I were NOT speaking for a total of 3 years out of the last 5. Usually 6-8 month increments. I know exactly the sort of exasperation that leads to not speaking. It isn't anger. It is DEFEAT. Just going through a grieving process that never ends, because you can't accept divorce, but you can't accept your partner's behavior towards you. I tried not to focus on my STBX's behavior in my first few posts, but looking at it the dance you two are doing is very similar.

I've got no horse in this race, but I do subscribe to the compatibility quote you posted. In your case I'd recommend going back to a beginners mind and working on processing through your resentment. If all you can see when you look at him is a half man who's inferior R skills have caused you pain that you don't know you want to deal with...well, I don't know what kind of reaction you're expecting to get.