Raine, I am so sorry to read that you are having some issued cropping up for you. But, this is very normal especially if you and your have not dealt w/the fall out what transpired.
Bea has posted a very thoughtful posting that truly is spot on.
I have a question for you...has your husband swept the entire situation under the rug and not dealt fully w/what happened w/him? If so, that is part of the problem. He's still in the final stage of growing up and returning as a mature man and that can take a while to happen. The stage called "acceptance" is only one a part of re-entering the real world. There is one more stage and that is the settling into one's skin once again. It's not the same as acceptance because this one is when the crisis person moves back home, it takes at least another 18-24 months before they finally feel comfortable being home and the readjustment period is a rocky one at best. They question you about whether you are happy, do you want them to stay, what can they do to make things better, etc. He may even ask if you want him to leave...I think that's where your husband is right now...trying to feel comfortable in his own skin.
As for your anger, that is very normal. You've got a lot of questions that still haven't been addressed. Have you sat down and had a heart to heart talk w/him? Have you thought about going to an IC and talking out your frustrations and anger about the OW? Sometimes we need to do this in order to release that anger. You are the only one that change the way you feel about her and what happened. She's not going to apologize for what she did because she's a broken woman who was very needy and had absolutely no morals for what she did. The decision to let it go is a difficult one, but you will need to find a way to do so or that "ghost" will always be between you and your h. Please do not allow her memory to have that kind of control over your thinking and your relationship. She's gone, a ghost now and needs to be released.
MLCers do not want to lose the connection that they have w/you and even though they've acted out and done some horrible things, they still want us as friends. In order to feel good about themselves, they need to know that we are still there as friends. Crazy isn't it? As Bea pointed out, we are the passport to their former selves and it's true, until they are completely healed, there is that disconnect of the two selves.
Raine, we are here for you, please come back and chat w/us. Hopefully we can help you work out some of that anger and frustration.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
