Another day of processing. Forgot to mention Sunday during talks with everything going on I called W her mom, who she hates. W and her mom have had problem forever, with how her mom was never there and how she has been married 1/2 dozen times. I went off deep end, telling her how she's never there for S's except when convenient for her. Asked how first 18 years of marriage were, she said good, I say so we have a bad 8 months and you call it quits, sound just like something your mother would do. I was mad and said few more hateful things, but its how I feel. Monday she said she has no feeling and it's over. Also tells me she's mad that I would say she's like her mom.
Since our talk on Monday, when I told her I need to let go, her mixed signals don't help me, if things are over, stop with the text and emails. I'm trying to move on with dealing with D. I feel its impossible to do living together, but no one is willing to move out, do to kids and court. Since then she has sent couple text and emails, couple about kids which are fine, except they are also things that could be discussed later instead of a early morning text. I don't respond, it can wait till later. Couple text are about nothing I need to know about. Those are the ones that drive me nuts. Does she send to drive me nuts, or is she simply trying to hold on to something? I delete and go on with my day, but they do drive me crazy.
Another problem I've been having is my smoking, I've always enjoyed a cigar every once and a while. Lately I've been smoking a lot. Smoke a few small cigars and one or two full size cigars daily. She has noticed and was questioning why the other day. I didn't give reason. Yesterday I left my tin of cigars on bathroom counter, last night I could not find them. This morning when brushing my teeth I looked in her bathroom drawer, found my cigars hidden in a little cubby she has in her drawer. Not sure why she feels the need to act like a child and hide my cigars. I don't plan to say anything, I'll just go get more. I left them in her drawer to see what she does with them.
