Kembo, keep posting and keep breathing. You can get through this.
First thing, get a DB coach. The service is listed at the top of this page. Trust me, you need someone in your corner to help you navigate. Don't tell your W. Just do it. Oh- call from a different phone other than your cell, if she sees an unknown number and google searches it she'll come right to this site and may find your posts. Don't let her find this site. Clear your browser, preferably use a computer she doesn't have access to.
Agreed with Cadet. Read Sandi's rules daily (sticky on newcomer's thread). It sounds like you've read them at some point, but now make them habit.
And detach. Stop trying to anticipate her mood. Your W is like an addict, or a 3 year old child. You don't let their moods control your feelings and behavior or you will get walked on. You have to grow up in maturity like 400% through this process, so start right now.
As for your sitch, I'd recommend focusing on your behavior. In your first post you talk a lot about the 'why's', feeling you never were told, this can be fixed, how could she, etc, etc, etc. I don't have time to reply to all that, it's very normal to feel this way. But at this moment you need to get past your pain and confusion.
You should be focusing on a few things. Detaching. 180s- areas you've identified that aren't your best self (to see this you have to understand her pain which means seeing past yours, I don't know you've done this...you can talk it, but you can't feel it because you don't get it). GAL activity. And observing the general rules above. That with some coaching, and of course read the DR/DB books.
Yes, that's a lot to do, but maybe it can be your GAL activity? Hang in, get through today.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
