Raine, I am so sorry that you are going through this bit. I am sure others will have wise words for you, and you have done a wonderful job of piecing back your marriage.
Thing is, MLC is a very very long process and what I think is happening is that your h is completing the last stages of his crisis at home. I know we are told not to rely on time lines and stages but they are a framework.
Maybe your anger against OW1 is proportionate to your husband's failure to assign any responsibility to her? I think this is a more helpful and less loaded word than blame. She chose to behave in a way that he cannot see was irresponsible. Although what he did was 'wrong' in his eyes, she wasn't, because weirdly, that would have meant he went off with someone who was NOT a good person, and maybe he is still too fragile, too much in denial to take the final steps yet.
However, dealing with your feelings about OW1 cannot depend on your husbands continuing response to how he feels about her as a person. She was damaged, and behaved badly. You can't change her and make her sorry, you can only change your decision to let it go. Very hard, I know.
The other thing, not wanting to lose you as a friend and hate him. I think many MLCers come to that point, even if they do not come home. My long gone xh (now remarried) has said the same words several times in the last few months!! They need to feel good about themselves, and mostly they feel bad, whether they stay or move on.
We are their passport to their former selves, and until they are completely healed there is a disconnect between these two parts.
Do you feel that your husband has dealt with his past issues - as opposed to his MLC behaviours?
