I'm glad that summer does seem like it will bring you a little relief. I feel the same way about reduced pressure.
It's clear that your STBX is not going to come through himself. What if you asked him to pay for help? I'm not sure what you need, kid assistance, cleaning, packing boxes, lifting things. But there's someone out there willing to do it all for a fee. Drag out that checkbook and give yourself a break.
In any case, I'm thinking about you, and I know you are strong enough to get through it. It's OK to vent, we're here for you in that way. I wish I was close enough to actually help you!
I found an organizing service that specializes in downsizing. They focus on seniors moving into retirement communities but I had a mutual acquaintance and they occasionally help women transitioning through divorce as well. So that will be enormous.
It's been difficult knowing how to delegate. I don't have any time off available so most of the work has been done in the wee hours, and I'm proud to say that my kids have been ENORMOUSLY helpful as well. Really above and beyond. I'm doing the last few bits tonight and then pictures tomorrow and then the waiting game will be filled with house purging and some professional development until it's move time.
STBX did help with about twenty minutes of stuff tonight but he had to be directed at least as much as a kid. I'm looking forward to reducing (dare I say, maybe even minimizing?) and making my household so streamlined that I NEVER have to go through all this ever again.
I'm learning NO in a lot of languages. NO. NO MORE STUFF, NO MORE UNEVEN RELATIONSHIPS, NO MORE DEVALUING MYSELF. NO.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I feel for you Maybell....I don't know what I will do when the time comes for me to have to move. I've been "needing" to clean my closet for a couple of years now and can't seem to even start that...such a big task and it is after all behind a door.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
I feel for you Maybell....I don't know what I will do when the time comes for me to have to move. I've been "needing" to clean my closet for a couple of years now and can't seem to even start that...such a big task and it is after all behind a door.
Lost, you know the reason my H gave for wanting to leave? My closet was messy. Yep, he seriously said that.
And what I really meant to say was , MB, I'm so glad you found the service. I know they still require your direction and supervision, but you just needed a break. Hugs to you!
Twelve years ago, I'd have been flabbergasted by the messy closet thing. But not today. My own XH yelled at me on his way out the door, "I hate that you organize everything! And that includes our vacations!"
I literally fell off my chair laughing at the time. I thought it was ludicrous and that he was completely off his rocker. But over the years, I found out that many of us have in common very poor communication skills. We and/or our spouses lack skills in identifying feelings and communicating in a healthy manner to each other, and often there is a passive aggressive component to this mix which makes it more than difficult.
I probably don't need to begin the dialog about what a messy closet might mean in the grand scheme. But if you want to start, I'll be happy to guide ya'll along.
(Maybell, I'm so sorry I've been AWOL - I've been avoiding this place because I've been dealing with my own grief and stuff and it's not been conducive to being a good mentor lately.)
What my XH was wanting me to understand is that my controlling nature was the #1 thing he despised about me. It took a long time for me to process this and have it make sense in an overall picture. I *did* control things. I *did* plan. I thought it made sense. But there were so many other pieces to this puzzle that, alone, this statement sounded stupid and childish. So my recommendation is to dig deep. See if that truth dart is something that has a basis in truth and it affects your life and relationship in other ways. A messy closet is usually symptomatic of other things - like being disorganized or undisciplined or dirty or lazy - you get it. Just like my "planning" gene was definitely rooted in my control freakishness.
Good luck with the downsizing, Maybell. I started to do it a few years ago when I had my house on the market. I'll probably be doing it for real in another year or so when I decide to actually commit to the process.
It will all work out. Let go and let God.
Hugs, Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Betsy, nice to see you, I've been thinking about you. I do admire your ability to step back and take care of yourself. (In case you didn't realize, Sunny is the second generation of a three initialed poster from a sunny state).
everything else will play out how it plays out.