Hey U, just wanted to get back to you on the value of a DB coach. To me it's not just someone to help strategize on how to save your M. I got 6 more sessions after I had accepted that wasn't in the cards. But there are so many things she helps me with.
When I was harboring resentment towards my sister for her role in my D, my DB coach helped me write it out on paper so I could process those emotions. I no longer have that negativity in my heart.
My mediation is scheduled for 7/2. My DB coach suggested I email my STBX something specifically about how the kids have benefited from both of us, and how nice it is that our approaches compliment each other so well for the kids best interest. There was a LOT of nuance and strategy to the email, but the point of it is to make a point of reinstating good will, a team spirit, and reinforce our common goals. It was very subtle, with no expectation of a response, but it was meant to put her at ease so she didn't think I was approaching this meeting with a confrontational attitude. Again, no way I can explain the brilliance of how she structured it (using only my feelings I'd given her) and even the timing of when to send it...but it was something I'd have NEVER done on my own. But if it helps our children, and increases the likelihood that we'll settle amicably, and improves how we work together as co-parents...I'm ALL IN.
She's also helped me uncover some of my base needs that were being neglected that were triggers for me when I was using porn. This has helped me go from abstaining to overcoming. Not calling the game yet but feeling good.
I could go on.
Point is there is much more to a DB coach than saving a M. I think it captures the spirit of DB by maximizing your personal growth, demonstrating those changes in your other interpersonal relationships, and then navigating through the craziness of a WAS to deescalate the situation for the best interest of the family. Not saying it can't be done on your own, but mine has been a true Godsend.
Oh, and I get 10% from all sign up fees from posters I solicited...JK
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
