Advice Welcome, separating and W moving out soon..

[Zues126]

First off, I'm glad you got a DB coach. You're right, the first session might be 'orientation'. I'd encourage you to set up your next call for pretty soon. That said, you should be getting help right away. I tell my coach what I want. For example, say "I'd like to have a good strategy to guide how I respond to her contact for the first few weeks after she moves out". You can tell them you're open to following their lead, but that you'd like 10-15 minutes to specifically aim at that area. My coach is very good about helping me where I want it, while still giving me feedback and guidance where she feels I need it.

As for showing vs. telling, I always thing of poker. When you are watching players to try to figure out what they have, there is a general rule: "If they think you're watching, whatever they're trying to communicate is a lie. If they don't know you're watching, it's the truth." So if they know you're watching and they act disinterested, that is a sign of strength. But if they subconsciously lean back in their chair, that might be a sign of weakness. The same way, your WAS will only be impressed with the stuff that she doesn't think you know she noticed. And anything you try to show her that she knows is designed for her she will dismiss.

I know this has been going on for a while, but I do think after she moves out it will mark a big milestone in your DBing. It will be the start of you really working on you. I think it's totally normal to focus on your interactions with her for the next few days. I hope come this weekend you can start working through your emotions, your growth, and your detachment in new ways. I know that doesn't sound like the goal, but it's all moving the right direction.

Glad you're posting a lot. Good things will come from it. Indubitably.