He is the one that suggested it. He said that things in the house will get ugly once she knows what I am doing. The kids will be here with me when she leaves. He said that she will than know to be expecting to be served papers.
I see your point Wonka. But isn't it just as dishonest for her to string me along like she is trying to figure out what she wants while she sets up to move. And what if she has already hired a lawyer that will serve me as soon as she leaves?
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Yeah, I'm on the fence on this one but will always defer to the lawyer and because my sitch is not yours. My ww has the affair and claims she can't trust me, didn't know how I'd react and filed behind my back. Three blows at once.
On the other side, would the bomb drop had been any less painful if she told me she was filing and then did it the next day? Don't think so.
If you're already at the point where you are 100% sure you are filing, I understand you don't owe her the heads up first. She didn't tell you she was going to have an affair before she did it.
In my limited experience after filing, it will take the other party time to process it and while living with my ww and getting served, I'm the one who can't take it and am moving out. Maybe it would be better with her not there.
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
I have been thinking hard since yesterday and I believe that I am going to sit down and talk to W. I am going to tell her that I have hired a lawyer and I am filing for legal separation. I will tell her that this is not what I wanted, but I am doing it for myself and to protect my rights and to protect the kids. I also think it is time. She is planning on leaving Tuesday, so now I just have to decide when to have the talk.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
Good for you Joe! Hopefully you having the open communication BEFORE the filing and respect will eventually register with her, because you really don't have to.
May be easier to do it TUES before she leaves. That way she can process it while she's leaving and not have a scene/uncomfortableness before. Also, she will be able to enjoy the time she has with the kids, without the BD clouding her emotions.
Just my .02
M-33 W-33 S-11, S-8 M-11, T-14 BD - 12/26, Divorce Filing and admits to affair (her) 4/18 I moved out 5/23
Just got a text that she is planning on leaving Tuesday but is worried about how S7 will handle it. She wants to leave Tuesday instead of Monday so we can do something Monday afternoon. So I guess since we are all doing something together Monday afternoon, she will have alot to think about while driving the next day.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
I have been thinking hard since yesterday and I believe that I am going to sit down and talk to W. I am going to tell her that I have hired a lawyer and I am filing for legal separation. I will tell her that this is not what I wanted, but I am doing it for myself and to protect my rights and to protect the kids. I also think it is time. She is planning on leaving Tuesday, so now I just have to decide when to have the talk.
Be prepared for some serious blow back or spew from W. Just keep in the back of your mind and not get sucked into an argument with W when you do inform her of your intentions.
Well I have alot to think about. Just when I am ready to file, things change a little. Now we had a talk at lunch. She is not going to take the kids down till after the 4th of July. And she said she would like to have them down there till the first week in August. Her plan is to be down there 6 months and hopefully talk her parents into moving up here. I did talk to her about D12 being so upset. It was actually a good talk.
So now I am wondering about just waiting and see what happens or just file and be done with it. I did find out that she would have to live in CA for 6 months before she can file anything there. The kids also. So really everything would have to be filed here. I also am being very cautious because of not believing everything they say!
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
She could file after that 6 month time period, but the judge there would hash things out with the judge here about where would be the best place for the kids to grow up IF we were fighting over custody. We would still be dealing with the same thing we would be if I file now. The kids live here, school here, grew up here, health insurance here, friends here, good house, my employment vs hers.
There is a part of me that feels guilty for filing because of what it is going to do to my kids. But majority of my feelings are I am just sick of this and ready to move on.
Me:44 EXW 44 Wonderful Children M11, T14 BD 6/14 OM Confirmed Divorce Final 2/25/16 "It works if you work it!"
You file because you want to protect yourself financially and want access to your kids. My gosh, if my spouse had just up and moved with the kids in tow, I'd tear up the Earth to get them back.
Guilt should have zero relation to the need to protect all parties involved. Especially since your W works in the sex industry.
