Krammer's Quote: And then the other part of my brain says "Wait a second, Kramer. Your wife is being nice and perhaps she is starting to miss you. You don't want to pass up this opportunity".
Sandi: An opportunity to do what?
Krammer: To show the fun, spontaneous, and loving person that I was for most of our marriage. To show her that I am not the pessimistic, angry, controlling, and miserable person that I became. To show her what a new R with me could be like.
Previously quoted by Krammer: Keep in mind that she has not given any indication that she has had an epiphany and wants to reconcile. That is all made up in my mind.
Are you suggesting that while trying to detach, you have shown her you were still a pessimistic, angry, controlling, and miserable person? If that is what she is seeing now, you aren't detaching correctly. However, I will bet this is more your emotions speaking.
She's been a little nicer, you think. The male in you says to jump on it. Right? Guess what? Female LBS do the same thing!
The trick is being able to stay away from those old negative traits you had, which is usually harder around those closest to us. Practice, practice, and practice with other people every day. Instead of thinking how badly you want to show her how a new R with you would be great (b/c that takes longer than a quickie opportunity) and think of each day as a new challenge. The more realistic opportunities may come in teaspoon sizes, instead of truck loads, especially right now. Those teaspoon sizes can add up.
One thing about using opportunities, is that you gain her respect. At this point, that is more important than just trying to show how wonderful you are. Know what I mean? Without her respect, you could be a terrific guy and she still wouldn't desire you. First things first.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
