Hey Luke. Ah, walls...I know all about them. They are my krytonite. Here's what I learned about them. They kept stuff out...but that means they stopped things from getting in.
I can feel your frustration. I get it. You want things to be happening in a certain way that you have in your head. That just isnt how this plays out.
Here's the thing. You can only handle the stuff on your side of the street. Your reactions, your thoughts, your actions. You cant control anyone elses.
But what often happens when we change our reactions, the other person's reactions are different.
Now I am not in any way saying that you arent allowed to feel frustrated or angry. This is hard stuff. But understanding why you are acting in a certain way..goes a long way in changing things.
It gets you angry when she says certain things. Your job is to figure out why it stings. Most of the time, it has to do with our ego.
Thats what I realized ... the Walls do not allow Cali 2.0 to breathe and be himself ... if anything it reverts back a bit to 1.0 and as I have said here... worked to hard and suffered to much to go back there.
Read a quote somewhere last week that said something to the effect "Change is impossible to prevent when there is enough suffering present" and it really made me think of my transformations over the past couple years.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
You seem to get upset when she talks about how much you used to work. You worked as much as you did. Her perception is different from yours about the whys and all. Your feelings are hurt that she never acknowledged what you did for the family.
You feel how you do. She feels as she does. No one's feelings are more important that anyone elses.
That's not to say that one day you shouldnt tell her that it upsets you when she talks like that.
But you need to really figure out why that gets you upset. Does it have to do with your dad? Your mom? Did he work a lot? Not enough?
So, think about what upsets you. Try to figure out why they do and where the hurt is coming from. That goes a long way in changing your feelings and reactions.
You might have hit it uR, My father worked for the Railroad, in the early days (Before I left for the service) he did not have enough seniority and would be out of state for a month .. home a weekend then gone again. When he would be home, drinking it up along with mom and I was the oldest and raised my brothers ... AJ touched on this early on in my threads ... huge eye openers for me. I respected that Dad worked so much (in my eyes) ... truth is he worked the regular hours but I think I seen it as he worked the whole time he was gone, so in my head ... I repeated that .. or tried to to prove I was as hard a worker as my father.
Originally Posted By: uRworthy
Luke, you are trying to move this along quicker than it can. You cant do that....(yea, sorry, your Jedi powers arent strong enough - LOL).
You dont have to make any decisions now. I believe everything plays out the way it is supposed to. We just have to let it.
While she is working through some crappy stuff, I want to acknowledge, though, that it is hurtful stuff for you, too.
I can only imagine how scared she is at the thought of having to say those words to doctors, therapists and a priest at some point.
So, my friend, dig in some more. Try to figure out where the hurt comes from..then figure out how to let it go when you can.
You are kidding right? My Jedi powers are so strong that I know you had coffee this morning in a blueish mug.
I have been really reflecting on ME the past few days ... and I realized I set the tone, W is really not sure ... I can not blame her. I think she knows what she wants, but is at that point where the fog has thinned out a bit and she is faced with the damage caused. There does seem to be an effort by her to fix some things .... that whole believe none of what the say and 50% of what they do ... well what she is doing is making me believe this is moving in the right direction, slow ... yes ... but its better than a speed boat pace the other way.
