Oh Pink, I'm so sorry. Although I do love the glow in the dark blouse story. H may well have thought aliens had landed! I wish I worked in the office next to you and we could go for lunch & have a big old vent about our H's. Now then - in the email above, you are ATTACHED my friend. What is he doing? Why? Why would he do this? I'm so mad!!
Have you read MLC for Dummies by Smurf yet? Here's a link...
When you posted about your H not progressing the D, I thought of the last section of this thread - here it is..
"How to keep you spouse guessing...be mean one minute threatening divorce, etc then next day be kind and sweet almost the way your spouse remembers you..rinse repeat....
HOW TO CONTINUE THE CRAZINESS ONCE SEPARATION/DIVORCE IS AGREED UPON
1. Even though by now you, dear MLCer, have done everything human possibly to convince your spouse that you do not love him/her and want out, when the time comes to actually file, DON"T DO IT! This is the coup de gras of MLC. Absolutely DO NOT TAKE THE INITIATIVE. This is a most vital and awesome crazy-maker. Holding out will force your by now totally devastated spouse to finally throw up his/her hands and seek legal counsel.
2. Once the LBS has had enough and decides that divorce is in their best interest, you have won HUGE points here. Refusing to be the one to file now puts YOU in the role of victim, bringing you all the attention and pity necessary to allow you to again regain your image of the abused one in all this. Now you can, with absolutely NO guilt, tell everyone the divorce was your LBS's idea (which of COURSE it was!) and they will assume that: a. the LBS lost all that weight and obviously has been involved in an affair, and b. the marriage ended because your LBS spouse is going through a - YES! THE PINNACLE OF CRAZINESS! - Midlife Crisis!!"
It is really common for MLCers to say they want D and act like they want D - but not actually do what's needed to get D. What happens if he actually doesn't do anything from his end Pink? Do you have some legal leverage? It's just a thought (and maybe wait for better advice than from me) but is it worth considering a 3/6 month 'stay' on proceedings? I know Starsky mentioned he and his W did that a couple of times. Their circumstances were different in that they were 'trying out dating again' - but if your H isn't doing the stuff needed, might it be an option?
You may feel that you need to press ahead for your own and family's protection though, which I completely understand. Keep posting and take care lovely P xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
