I have been reading and following your thread. Happy when your spouse returned. And I have been recognizing a lot of the same issues in your marriage that have been present in mine.
The ML issue is really a disturbing one. Most books all seem to focus on the man as the person wanting it all the time...I really think that these books reflect a societal notion that denies women our sexuality.
And then it is an insult upon an injury as we turn to "expert" advice only to find that we don't exist in their minds as anything other than an oddity or aberration.
My T has steered me to a wonderful book written by a sex therapist named David Schnarch. Schnarch's view of sexual issues in a relationship are unusual and very profound. I think you may find them helpful. The title is "Passionate Marriages".
Schnarch does not follow the usual clinical approach re: sexual dynamics in a marriage. In fact, he focuses on sex as an example of the power struggle within a relationship. He lays it out frankly and I believe that you may find the book very helpful.
Mostly I have benefited from an understanding of the concept he puts forward called "emotional fusing" and lack of "differentiation". What I love most about Schnarch's theories is that marriages, in his words, are actually "people growing machines." That it is inevitable that we occassionally get stuck in "emotional gridlock" and that the best way to grow as an individual is to solve your issues IN RELATIONSHIP.
Schnarch sees sex as the playing field for all the dynamics in our relationship. ANyway, just my input....would love to meet on the bb with folks willing to read and discuss this book. WHo knows, maybe someday soon my WAH will be back and I may be ready for him.
