to be honest I don't recall the last night h and I actually sat down to read at the same time. Shortly after Christmas h went on a little reading binge and read three books, I don't know if he finnished the third or not but that seemed to be the end of it.
The book group I started during seperation for myself, h has expressed no interest in it at all. I have been reading the current book group selection everynight in bed while h lays next to me snoring.
A date night? are you kidding me? a date night is something that I've tried to get h to commit to since his decision to come home to no avail. Once again we are back to eventually...it seems like we need someone else to start sending us invitations on a regular basis and then perhaps we will start spending some time together.
Two weeks ago we did go to a local party (through me as h knows only the neighbors in town) at wich we both had a good time but spent almost none of the evening together (unless of course you count the 5 min drive to and from).
let's see, what else can I complain about...last sat we had a family b-day pty for son. I asked h to pick up the cake after sons tball practice in the am. When he arrived home he had a dozen roses as well as the cake...for a moment I was thrilled thinking he got them for me...only to learn they were for his mother because we didn't get her anything for easter. Uhm? hello, h? if I recall the easter bunny took care of the kids and you but forgot about me so why didn't you think for a second to pick up some flowers for your w? even if not for easter but just to say thanks for doing all the work cooking and preparing for sons party while you planned to sit in the basement all day watching the nfl draft?
I'm drained...
I can continue to say nothing and know that the feelings may fester or I can try to convince myself that this is just the way life is when you are a sahm with young kids and just be happy anyway.
Or I can speak up and ask for what I want and hear the same old...no matter what I do it's never enough...blah blah blah...or the same old exuses of "I don't it's busy right now just bare with me another month blah blah blah"
I've walked this path long enough to see that it's not going to change...least not for me..I'm not the girl that h wants to meet up for lunch with in the middle of the day...or the one he will drop everything to give a ride to.
the ultimate "it" h found in ow...either doesn't exist or just doesn't exist here.
it still amazes me that h is so blind...
his ow was married...she was a lonely woman who's h worked alot and gave her a beautiful home with all the amenities...heck her h even took her out to dinner or took the kids (she has two young boys) out on sunday afternoons so she could relax...and yet she sought her happiness with another man. Why does my h feel he doesn't have to make any effort with me? why does my h not fear loosing me to the mailman, or the guy that delivers the oil, the people I email, anyone anywhere. Why is it that my h feels secure enough in this m that the only effort he puts forth is to pay the bills and make the lawn look like a golfing green. did h not learn anything about the upkeep of relationships through this torid ordeal? I think I learned something and that is my h is a dud, at least with me.
