Toot est possible.....

[Sotto]

Thanks Edz and Pink - it's much appreciated. I'm doing okay - just a bit tired, and a little bit tearful this morning. I worked away yesterday and it was a long day. Things have been much busier in the past couple of weeks and I'm feeling generally a bit tired, so I need to take care. After this week, I should be able to settle into my new work routine and not travel as much and hopefully that will be better.

I'm going to try and post more honestly without putting such a positive spin and brave face on things. I think I do need to grieve more and stop constantly pulling myself up and moving forward. I can't remember if I posted before, but my brother took his own life over 20 years ago; He had schitzophrenia. It was a hard time...I was just out of Uni and started work, and I just carried on with things. A few years later, I started suffering anxiety attacks and realised I had suppressed things. I think your emotions always leak out at some point if you bottle them up. I saw a grief therapist for a little while then, and was better able to manage the anxiety after that - I'm still a bit prone to it sometimes.

I'm doing some work from home today, so things will be a bit quieter, which is probably good. I have some new work projects which are a little outside my comfort zone, and I need to get myself moving forward on them. I left it 24 hours and briefly replied to H text about the house. He and I have always called each other by certain names - he lengthened mine, and I shortened his. More recently, I have just started using his actual name. I think I carried on with the shortened name to keep feeling the connection between us, but I need to let stuff like that go now. No news from my L yet, but I have earmarked tomorrow to check I have all the financial info ready for her.

Have a good day all...x