You know what struck me, Mighty? Your daughter. She is very articulate. She also is healing. She is rightfully p**sed at her father. But she is differentiating between that hurt and her love of her father. That's incredible at any age!
She expressed, very well, how she feels. She differentiates between him and his choices. She does not like what he did, but she is not kicking him to the curb either.
When I got married, I made a vow. When I had kids, I took on the responsibility to raise them to the best of my ability. My spouse's behavior and choices never let me off the hook for that. As a parent, I have an obligation to my kids. To see them grow up healthy and able to deal with life, whatever comes.
I take that seriously. To me, it means helping my kids and loving them unconditionally. I've been tested, believe me. But it doesn't let me off the hook. What my spouse did, doesn't give me the right to walk away from those obligations, even if I don't agree with her choices or those of her new husband.
I point that out, because you're not the type to walk away either. What happened...su*ks. It's not what you wanted, but it is what happened. You know that, and your feelings are catching up to that as you learn to live differently.
See what your daughter wrote again. Note how she is differentiating between his choices and who he is now. She doesn't like it, Mighty. She's hurt by his choices. But she is learning and walking through the grief, sorrow and anger.
You are obviously doing a great job, Mighty. For a child to have that ability doesn't come naturally. It has to be learned. They learn from you. They learn from the world around them, too, but primarily from their parents. It's an echo of sorts
Let go of the person he was, and see him for who he is. Deal with him that way. Get your quiet time and recharge. Think about it - he's not going to be the person you knew. He's too broken and trying to put himself together. Not very well, but he's trying. He wants to have a relationship with his kids - that's huge in this arena, believe me. But know that he is not who you knew and likely won't ever be again.
Since you can't change what happened, perhaps you can reframe how you see it and how you see him?
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
