Well after having a crummy kind of down feeling day yesterday I spoke to h about some things. Nothing specific (well nothing that warrants a mention) but just my occassional fears, insecurities and worries over whether or not he's happy as sometimes I get lost in trying to assure my needs are being met and forget that he's a person too.
h assured me that I have nothing to be afraid of "all the bs that happend in the past is in the past" (I kinda like how he refered to it as bs as I take it to mean ow was nothing but bs) and that yes he is indeed happy right where he is.
see the thing is sometimes I get so caught up in measuring whether or not my needs are being met that I start to tell myself..well if he loved me or was in love with me I wouldn't be questioning whether my needs were being met or not right! but I occassionally have to remind myself that every time I start to feel a bit down or worried or paranoid isn't a sign that somethings off, or that h doesn't love me anymore or never did..it simply means I'm having some feelings that I may very well have pulled out of my a$$ (cause I can do that ya know!).
I was glad to be able to have a short conversation with h that lead to us both feeling good rather than the typical me still feeling needy and him feeling frustrated and unable to give me enough.
Can't put any finger on it other than perhaps instead of focussing on myself and what he is or isn't doing for me I focussed on my true fear of whether or not HE'S happy. Though that is something I used to do in the past I believe I went about it differently (no not a back door into the same cheeseless tunnel) in a less threatening manner and it worked.
