You will be woken up at some point. I'm just not sure when, or what it will take. You may not notice, but you keep talking about time and space to "work through this".
Right now she is 'business as usual', with the big difference being lack of intimacy or future plans, and discussion of separation. This is probably to 'keep the peace' so you are cooperative with her plans, and to cake eat until she finds other ways to meet her needs. Big changes might be when she moves out, when she starts seeing other men, updates her status on social media, when she starts separating bills, hires an attorney, etc. And finally when she starts to create distance because she is meeting her needs elsewhere and wants to start moving on because she no longer needs you.
Even then it might not get through to you. Your write up above about 'growing into a new M' is a nice dream, and you're right that's what would have to happen. But you still seem to think that even as she does all of the above that's how it will play out.
Optimism is good by nature, but if the impact it has is that you feel complacent in a crisis, aren't bottomed out to the point of looking in the mirror like you never have before, or aren't detaching from the R and finding new ways to meet your needs by GALing like crazy...well, that could make your road more difficult.
I'd recommend being less available and focusing on GAL. Oh- and get a DB coach
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
