If and when she blames you for breaking her sunglasses,
LAUGH and walk away and if you can't pull that off, just get out of the room. Sometimes the insanity does not deserve an answer b/c there's nothing to say that can reach someone when they're nutty.
I recall h saying that he felt "misled" b/c I was "Supposed to be in the Senate by now!"
(Yeah, the US Senate...the one where a 100 citizens of our nation make laws and sign treaties? Yeah THAT one. I HAD to ask him why he made such a lunatic remark and yes, I worded it better--
he told me something I said on our second date, over 3 decades ago AND which was something I'd written in my diary that I "want to do when I grow up", which I wrote when I was in 6th grade!
Seriously.
There's no response to that statement of his, other than laughing and shaking my head. I mean, talk about a selective memory, (which may be what I muttered then.)
Thing is, he now has NO recall of that conversation. I ASKED! So, I'm not sure how productive it is to explore -- but it is something you need to set up a boundary for. Do not just take it.
Anyhow, the focus of "From this day forward" is something I wanted to mention. It's in a lot of marriage vows & I thnk that's brilliant b/c I don't believe we can remain married and close, for long, without lots of forgiveness of both parties. That means not constantly looking over our shoulders at the past...
You two cannot reconcile for real, without you forgiving your wife.
What does that look like to you? How, if at all, have you worked on the subject of forgiveness?
I did not see forgiveness growing up. For me, it was a learned skill.
what do you think?
25 Thank you for your perspective and posting .... always an honor.
Yes she has been pressing MC and mentioned the Retrouvaille, I did not jump at it as at the time I was not sure if this was one of her touch and go's (OM dumped her again....) So I was waiting to see if this time it was going to stick, 2 months so far and I have no signs of contact at all as far as I can tell.
As far as the MLC Crazy, yeah .. I have had a few of those, no Senate type stuff but there has been a number, about me saying I wanted to move to my home state (I left for a reason and have no intentions of going back) Holding me to things I said 20+ years ago ... dreams that have changed over the years ... yeah all that.
I have been boundary setting as far as blame, during the Anger phase I would either take it .. or spew back, I have learned those 2 methods did not work for me nor her, so now I call her on it, I will and have accepted blame where I feel I should, but yeah .... if you throw a 15yr old tantrum and sit on your own glasses ... sorry .. thats you.
As for forgiveness, this topic was discussed pretty heavy in the last thread, something I have given thought about. Being honest here, its like I have accepted ... not forgiven that the A happened. I would like to say I have forgiven her but seems that when something triggers the memory, or I feel somewhat slighted I will think about OM and the A, I may or may not say anything but its there ..... maybe its to fresh, maybe that wound is deep ... when she was in full replay she would tell me things in Moster mode that hurt, badly ... and I have not really shaken that off .... its one things to have the A, its another to have your WAS rub your face in it and tell you how amazing OM is on every level .... and like you mentioned .. she has no memory of even saying this .... feels like its my hatchet to bury and as of yet ... I have not been successful in doing so ... but I am trying to work on this.
You touched on forgiveness and not seeing it when you grew up .... I need to think about that. My mother is a fairly passive forgiving person, on the surface ... the "Oh Bless his heart" type .... not sure if she ever really forgave or just refused to speak ill of anyone ... parts of me wished I seen her atleast upset towards someone .... My father ... cut and dried, you crossed him and you were done, no questions asked .... might be part of my hang up here.
