Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Maybell]

I'll be working through the summers so there will be a little bit of guilt in there but I also have good plans and will appreciate the reduced pressure. No more looking at homework, etc., and I can plan for the new school year in advance so that I don't let so many balls drop, etc. Also my sitter has been a HUGE help -- next best thing to a wife, really -- so it will be good to have a breather.

The very greatest stress, though, is the house. I am SO ANGRY with him that HE bought this house after starting the affair and I and the kids are paying the price for his stupidity. I'm getting 5 hours of sleep a night till I crash, and everything isn't ready yet. And he has the nerve to put it all back on me, that I don't ask him to do stuff and he's trying to respect my privacy when the one job I asked him to do he didn't even see through.

Just thinking about it gets me fired up.

STILL don't have a settlement agreement but I'm hoping at least that gets closed out soon. I'm nervous about taking on all the bills, etc., so I'll be glad to have school out to get my feet under me with all that as well.

I need to be out of this house and into my own and I'm nervous that mine will take a while to sell. So anxious about everything.

I will not be as free from him as I'd like for several more years, but it will be a relief to at least get out of the house. And I hope someday to be able to look at him like a neighbor from three doors down and not like the guy who dumped his life on me and walked off. I don't want to carry his weight any longer.