Mirror Mirror on the wall....

[25yearsmlc]

See if this story helps illustrate the point I’m trying to make, however feebly. It's a true story.

The COLONEL

I grew up with a neighbor who was a retired Army Colonel. He had been a POW for several years, in Vietnam. He and his wife had 5 kids.

Years before they moved into our neighborhood, the Colonel had had an affair with some OW.

Oh, what's that? How did I, a young 17 y/o girl & neighbor, know that the Colonel had once had an A?

Oh, I knew b/c everyone knew b/c "Mrs Colonel" made sure we all knew, so we would not think he was such a great guy.

There were times I wanted to ask the Colonel about his POW experiences. But Mrs. Colonel- would steer the topic away. I truly believed for years, that she was protecting him from a bad memory. I'd back off sheepishly.

Then l learned that she simply didn't like him getting attention that looked anything like admiration or awe.

At the time we knew the family, the Colonel was kind, funny, handsome, strong, and really just a great guy. Yes, we DID admire him.

In contrast, Mrs. Colonel was a bitter woman, who made a snide remark for her h at every turn. From how he over cooked the grilled meat ("again!"), to undermining the value of a reference letter he wrote for my h. She just could NOT give that man a kind word to save her soul.

She never praised him in front of her kids, or us, and she would undermine any compliment others would give him. She seemed to live to make him pay. I'm not exaggerating.

She was NOT kind to him. Seemed like she never let him forget what SHE had endured & what HE had done to her.

Today, only 1 of their 5 kids is married, it's their only son. It's his 2nd or 3rd marriage & I'm not sure he's happy in it. The sisters are all single. 2 never married, and the other 2 keep on getting married, repeatedly.

I strongly believe that the choice Mrs Colonel- made was the worst of all choices.

She could have divorced him. She could have gone to counseling and therapy, & learned how to forgive...

But instead, she made the worst, most tempting choice; she stayed married AND stayed miserable.

She never let the Colonel forget his sins.

She held it over his head like the sword of Damacles.

She threw it in his face (or threatened to) every time they fought.

She did NOT Forgive him and she did not even try to. Not in a serious humbling way.

Ironically, from where we sat, from what WE saw, HE was the victim and she was the wrongdoer....she was not a woman we sympathized with.

She should have let him go when she found out about the A; or as soon as she realized she could not forgive him; or she should have learned how to forgive.


She could have left her children a beautiful legacy. She COULD have taught and passed on to them, the concepts and practices of true forgiveness, real redemption, deep love and full commitment.

Instead, she passed onto them suspicions, distrust, cynicism, bitterness and big time grudge holding. She did not think he "deserved" forgiveness -- so she overlooked how many others were affected by her choice not to forgive.

I wish she had heard what I heard a few years back, which was

"Holding onto anger, to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire----
to get smoke in their eyes."

I just cannot stress the importance of Forgiveness, enough.