Thanks Sunny, Underdog, Mozza, and others who have chimed in. I've been trying to cut back on my time here-- I don't quite feel ready to be a solid advice giver, but there doesn't seem much more for me to say and the landscape in this forum has changed. There are so many new folks, which is sad of course, but has also helped me see that I am not a newcomer. I've been at this a while.
When I first got here, I asked if DB was worth it. I can now definitely say yes, it is. Someone advised me at the beginning that I may not save my M but I can save myself. And that had happened.
It's ironic and unfortunate that I didn't find DB sooner, as it might have made a difference. Before I knew about DB and before my H left, I made a promise to myself to begin working on ME, and to be patient with him if he didn't notice those changes right away. So, intuitively I had started DBing without knowing it! But because I was not really knowledgable, all of that went out the window after BD. I made so many mistakes. I pushed him further away. It took a few months for me to find this community, to get a DB coach and to begin DBing in earnest.
I think it was just too late by then.
I leave my M with my head held high and hope for my future, even though there is plenty of fear. I know I can handle whatever comes.
It's time for me to move on from newcomers I think. Surviving D seems like the right place. I know 25 YEARS MLC and Mr. Bond say to remain hopeful, but the more I reflect,the more I see that the relationship was never right. There is nothing to hold on To. Maybe admitting to myself that I'm done will help me move forward in a more positive, less resentful way. I don't really know -- this is what I'm working through right now. Can I move on in this way without feeling like he was right all along? I'm not sure that's the story I want to tell. Maybe, I wanted to work on our marriage, and I think we could have done well, but both of us needed to be invested in that.
I'm Rambling a bit but want to tell this forum how instrumental you have been in getting me to this place of strength and clarity. I am so grateful.
