I know the feeling, it just kills you inside that you desire your H so much and you get blown off time and time again. The rejection is a killer and you can't tell me that they don't know that you are wanting them. They just won't I still have not figured out if I was being punished for something or not. He just withheld himself from me and I do not consider that to be a marriage.
Your situation is so different from mine. You have very young precious children that you love deeply and are trying to make the M work. My H never had an affair. I doubt that has even crossed his mind, ever. Yet, so many things are the same, too. Your H does not cherish you as you deserve and need to be cherished. You cannot make him love you and I know that you ask if he is capable of truely giving himself to you. Only you can tell.
Keep your chin up. I know that this is a tough day for you.
Why wait for permission? becuase I have not asked permissin in the past and he's gotten mad Why not head on down there? the rejection when asked is far less than the rejection when an actual physical attempt is made and denied You can even surprise him in the middle of the night a la Ellie. and likely piss him off when he awakes and realizes I've been violating him? Are you filling his love tank first? a yup Is it full? over flowing, he's happy as a pig in sh!t as long as I don't mention MY needs or MY love tank!
I know this has been a constant source of irritation for you. But it seems he is ANGRY about it, not even funny about it... He seems to feel guilty. is he angry or guilty or angry becuase he's guilty or guilty becuase he's angry How could you relieve those feelings, and put him back on the same playing field you are on?? that's what I'm here for? what are your suggestions if any? JMHO nothing humble about it!
Quote: Your H does not cherish you as you deserve and need to be cherished. in his own way he does You cannot make him love you I cannot make him love me but he does, he just doesn't love me in the ways I'd like to be loved on occassion and that I can't make him do. and I know that you ask if he is capable of truely giving himself to you. I think he is capable just don't think he thinks he's capable Only you can tell. damned if I know
Hey LL, You have probably mentioned this before but I have not been around all that long....would scheduling sex work for him? Something like an every Fri night thing?
My gut is telling me NO it won't (I know it wouldn't with my H) but hey it's worth a shot.
It sounds like he has a cycle: He forgets to be sexual, then belatedly realizes your frustration (either by your verbal or nonverbal clues), then avoids all things sexual cause he has let you down and now the whole thought of sex has a negative connotation to it for him.
The whole disconnect occurs in the "he forgets to be sexual" part and I wish I had an easy solution for that one. Cause you can't say or do anything to remind him or you've just moved right on up to the avoidance stage. The only thing I've had any amount of luck with is keeping things light. Telling him that I "miss him" and that I'd like to get together soon and I have to make sure that there is not a TRACE of bitterness (at having to ask) in my voice--only love. It is hard but I'll do all kinds of things when I'm desperate enough for sex.
HI,LL..came by for a visit..you are soounding so good about your life...I did re read all my threads..it does amazing things to see how far you have come..and you were not really a royal pain...you vented here, as we are suppose to..
Don't know how to help in the "other" department..did you say he has always been like this? I was always so envious when anyone here talked about sex with their spouse...remember it was almost 2 years for me...Do you think it could be a medical thing? It probably would not be real ggos to suggest talking to someone about it.......it is a personal subject to talk to strangers about.
What's wrong with us huh? Why can we never just be grateful for what we've got. I'm moaning and bitching away on my thread because my H is too mushy and keeps wanting to ML when I don't feel like it and wishing we could have more proper conversations. And here you are feeling happy as a pig in muck except for not getting any loving. You know what? I bet within a couple of months we will probably trade places.
My only answer to your problem is do a 180. It seems to be the only thing that works. Any hint that you desire him at all should be completely squashed. If he touches you then gently move his hand away etc. This is what is working for me except it is not a deliberate 180, I just happen to feel that way at the moment and voila! H is interested ALL the time - LOL.
we are such a fickle lot (humans I mean!)
Fran
if we can be sufficient to ourselves, we need fear no entangling webs Erica Jong
Quote: You have probably mentioned this before but I have not been around all that long....would scheduling sex work for him? Something like an every Fri night thing?
You're right in assuming the answer would be no and to be honest that's not really what I want anyway. I'd like some passion and you can't schedule passion.
In some ways he has always been like this but not ALWAYS...it's gotten worse over time and it was great when he first came home..I didn't expect it to stay like that but also didn't expect to have it turn almost back to what it was just prior to ow.
I doubt it's a medical thing and if it's a mental thing well he's not sharing any insights and prefers to just act like there isn't a problem.
Quote: This is what is working for me except it is not a deliberate 180, I just happen to feel that way at the moment and voila! H is interested ALL the time - LOL.
That is what I DON'T want but is what tends to happen. When I finally get so agrivated and turned off by thoughts of him finally initiating I don't want him to. Of course I always end up giving in though.
Wish it were simple, Wish we all could just be content and say to ourselves "It could be worse" but I know that it could be better just don't know how to tackle this one issue.
The real crappy thing is this issue breeds other issues.
