Separated/MLC No Change

[25yearsmlc]

You're very welcome. Without this board and my DB coach (a Godsend if ever there was one) were the biggest factors in my staying married.

As to what to accept from your h and what not to...brakes on a car when you're low on cash seems like a no brainer to me...("YES THANKS!")

and remember to see some of these as opportunities to applaud loudly for the 1% of positives that he does.

I'm guessing now, but is one of your h's love languages "Words of affirmation"? Most men like to feel admired. Sometimes they confuse it with love, but that can work for us as their spouses.

I highly recommend reading "The Five Love Languages" by Chapman, and I say that for all couples, b/c even though it's not revolutionary, it really really does help to remind us that -

NOT all of the ways we show or give love, are received as such by our spouses.

And the reverse is true as well. I've seen many people here complain about the way their gifts or acts of service or "favors" and compliments were "NOT appreciated" much...but the thing is, many times the spouse does Not hear the love language
we are speaking to them...and it's not b/c they are ungrateful, it's b/c we are not speaking their love language.

At a personal growth workshop I attended long ago,

I saw a professional man stand up & tearfully say:

"so my wife said she'd take the day off to drive the 3 hours to pick me up. Then I changed my mind & she said 'ok'. Then I changed my mind again, and said I DO want her to come get me after all, & she agreed...

and I just realized I've been shutting out the love she has been sending me all these years, b/c it wasn't 'wrapped' the way I wanted it wrapped. It wasn't sent in the 'lanes' I allowed and I've ignored all the ways she HAS loved me... I've been a fool."

That just really hit me.