I'm not sure what the transparency plan is, the counselor said to him that at some point she hopes he will be comfortable sharing everything with me. He did let me go through his phones and e-mails - but I know he's holding out on one e-mail address. I think he also has a phone on another plan. Right now, I am holding off on pushing the issue because I am trying to solidify a common ground.
This sounds problematic to me. FEELINGS take a long time to return, but I believe that LOVE truly is a decision, and after an affair it begins with absolute no-contact and an agreement for full transparency. This is for BOTH the betrayed spouse AND the formerly wayward spouse! If your husband is balking at this, he is either still in contact with the OW or he's wanting to be ABLE to be, at some point in the future, and either of those sound like dealbreakers to you.
If it's NOT either of those things, then all it can be is pure stubbornness and pride on his part, and how much would THAT say about his really being re-committed to the marriage either?
I know this is hard, but in all my time on this forum I've never once seen anyone have regrets that they were TOO strong in their boundaries . . . but the opposite?? Well that landscape is littered with a lot of sad, regretful souls.
