The best way to get your questions answers is to sit and just listen. When he's completely done w/the ow and has settled back down, he will open up more than he is doing so right now. You'll have your opportunity to ask questions...but that's a long way off.
They start running off at the mouth because they can't contain themselves any longer. They like to brag, talk about all that they are doing and show people, especially you, just how happy they are w/their brand new lives. Guess what...if they were so darn happy, they wouldn't need to brag out stuff.
BTW, it's not a matter of wanting it out in the open, but they tend to forget themselves and they drop hints throughout their conversations w/you. That's why it is important to listen closely and then sift through the garbage coming out of their mouths. You will learn more by listening then questioning at this time.
It's confusing, but you'll get the hang of this stuff. It takes time to hone your listening skills and, of course, learning to be patient. You'll need to dig deeper for more patience and just be still right now. Trust me, the answers will come when you least expect them to. It works every time. You can't rush this process or you'll push him even further away. Allow the affair to die a slow, natural death and let those two see each other's warts and all w/o any help from you. You don't want to give him any more justification for being her "knight to the rescue".
Keep the focus on you. BTW, did you read the material that Cadet provided to you a while back? If so, go back and re-read it. There is a lot of valuable info there.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
