Strumming and humming for ya, grrrlfriend. U have been such an inspiration over the ... gulp ... has it been years?
Lovely post, thanks for continuing to piece and share how it's done.
So very happy for you (and family)!
I have learned so much from U during this journey. Big hug and spring flowers atcha.
I know a BIG WIN for me is healing my MIND. I work on that. Carve new grooves for it. Reframe, patience, focus on MY OWN MAGIC -- and time, time time.
Love the wisdom that when we jump to conclusions and overreact we are poisoning our own cup.
"Take the gun from your head, don't make yourself meat for the grinder, get in your own lane -- and hold hands with us" -- ah how healing these words from DB pals have been.
And guess what?
I'm looking at property in your neighbhorhood (Piecing Hills)! Wonderful views and the grass is green. But we can't do it without some kind of F-certificate. Wanted to ask how you got yours.
F is for forgiveness.
How much grovelling am I entitled to? How much must I do?
Quote: took a glance over some of them and DAMN I was a royal pain in the butt! So many people were giving me GREAT advice and I just couldn't get it. I was too wrapped up in feeling angry, scared, self rightous, doubtful etc etc etc.
Do I dare say? ... it seems you and your H had more in common than you thought! How many discussions have there been about H being a RPITB and no matter how much you talk to him ... he wasn't getting it! Hmmmmmmmmmm .... sorry LL, just couldn't resist.
Now that you both get it, glad to hear its getting sweeter for ya!
... and Bridget ... it would be wonderful to have you back in the neighborhood! You are definately the poster girl for never giving up on hope.
Quote: I think for many of us, making assumptions has been a big problem. So if we make assumptions (faulty ones) and have feelings due to those assumptions, we are poisoning our inner world. If we act on those feelings, we are often poisoning our R's.
oh so very true, however what to do when the assumtions made don't go away...or rather what to do when you don't get what you ask for...
I'm looking at property in your neighbhorhood (Piecing Hills)! Wonderful views and the grass is green. But we can't do it without some kind of F-certificate. Wanted to ask how you got yours.
F is for forgiveness.
How much grovelling am I entitled to? How much must I do?
glad to hear you'll be moving over Bridget, that's great!!!
to answer the questions as best I can re forgiveness....
well answer this question...do you want to live in the past or enjoy the present and look toward the future?
grovelling? YOU? no one should grovell or be expected to do so...however exuses must stop and ownership of ones behaviors must be taken.
I said I was a pain in the a$$ and I'm going to be one right now...
yes my m is on track, yes my h loves me, yes he came home, yes ow is gone, yes there are a lot of positive things going on....
HOWEVER...
what I consider to be one of the roots of a lot of the problems in my m is still an issue...
h's lack of libido or fluctuating libido...
drives me nuts...
most often I don't say anything about it anymore...try to just look at all the good and do what I need to do...but when I do make mention of it and know it's heard but ignored what am I supposed to think, feel, do?
I am not fat,dirty,ugly,frumpy,boring,unfeminine ect...but h's lack of desire and/or rejection of me sexually makes me feel that I am and I hate it, it tears down little by little all the good going on and point to just settling.
you all know I'm direct so let's just say that LAST tuesday I said to h that my service engine soon light is on...he thought I meant the car so looked...I repeated no, MY service engine soon light is on...to wich he replied..oh I'll make a not of that...mind you it's now the following monday...I would not have made such a comment last tuesday if it hadn't already been a while (I know for sure nothing happend the sat night we went out...kinda sucks to get the same good night kiss from your h as he gives his friends wife)
just grumpy about it....
and becuase I'm grumpy let h know why..
his response...
I'll add it to my list of inadequacies. WTF?? I don't complain about him at all, infact I thank him for every little stinkin thing he does and compliment him as often as I can. what is this crap?
The same Sh!t that I put up with for years. No matter how delicately I asked, or point blank told him that I needed and wanted HIM, he would refuse, forget, get drunk, work overtime, essentially, any and all excuses that he could come up with to not come up...
There ain't nothing wrong with you my dear. Never has been.
h likes to blow in dd's face...making her hair fly up..she giggles and thinks it's funny...she tries to do the same to him but doesn't have all the wind power...just yesterday they were at this game while I was holding her...so I blew at him..she then kept saying you blow daddy...and of course I said "I'd love to if he'd let me" to wich h just smirked...close scene and skip to after kiddos are put to bed...h finds his place on the couch and watches tv...draw curtain movies over.
Why wait for permission? Why not head on down there? You can even surprise him in the middle of the night a la Ellie. Are you filling his love tank first? Is it full?
I know this has been a constant source of irritation for you. But it seems he is ANGRY about it, not even funny about it... He seems to feel guilty. How could you relieve those feelings, and put him back on the same playing field you are on?? JMHO
Relax. Appreciate. Be calm. Laugh. Enjoy. Be secure. Be loving. Be loved. Don't personalize. Don't ASSume. Accept. Be grateful.
How many discussions have there been about H being a RPITB and no matter how much you talk to him ... he wasn't getting it! Hmmmmmmmmmm .... sorry LL, just couldn't resist. 
You are definately the poster girl for never giving up on hope.