Part 20 - reassembly instructional

[edz]

Morning all

and its a pretty grim one weather wise here today, windy rain and cold...bleuch!

A busy day yesterday and some more movement, some forward - some back but movement nonetheless.

W came round and we went out, a few bits she needed and then we went out to get s some new jeans and bits. A new belt for me (one of mine is now too big) we also decided to get a new multi photo frame to have as we both liked it - we decided to get and set aside for when we move as something together. After getting s's bits we went and had a bite and a coffee/slushy and w investigated getting a new temporary wash basket for while they remain at the flat. W had said she'd be happy to stay for dinner so we popped to get some bits and bobs. S decided to look at the video games / play on the demonstrator while w and I went round the shop. W was delighted to get a go at the scanner (s normally grabs this )

Back to the house and we had some more talking before I started Dinner. W just doesn't feel she relaxes anywhere but her "home" she said that's important for me to know as its not connected to us - its the same for being at her mums, friends, anywhere but where she is at "home" - I agreed I've always know that about her and indeed she was the same when I had a house before we got married. We briefly talked about staying over as it was becoming an elephant in the room and I wanted to defuse. We are doing very well since its only 2 weeks since w said about her "Christmas" timeline but it does get to a point where the question hangs in the air "are you going, want wine?" etc. My viewpoint is I'm trying to not make her feel pushed but just to relax (as above not easy for her here and until her situation with her mum is sorted with me being there) she's also clearly not ready to stay over / share a room and I'm not pushing for that either, we did talk about it being on the timeline before we can move in again though that's not something we could leave until we're moving to a new place.

Before dinner she had started to close down a little and her body language looked defensive. Spoke to her about it and while she denied it was anything serious she did reiterate the above on relaxing, doesn't help I have the kitchen chairs and the sofa no comfy armchairs etc (money / delivery issues and now duplicating too much furniture) we did take a look at possible armchairs but we're agreed really to hold off does make it difficult for her with her back issues though.

Did offer if she was feeling a bit hemmed in she could go and come back for dinner (she had her car) but she didn't want to. Over dinner she asked s did he want to stay with me or come back (saying it was a daft question at the same time) sure enough he stayed here and after dinner w went home.

Good day and progress, felt a little conflicted after s went to bed but only insofar as feeling like I need a small change in direction now - I can carry on with myself and my development no problems but we're now running into a bit of a slowdown while w works on coming back / issues with being outside or expanding her bubble as she puts it.

As we said, we've come a long way and I keep saying that we don't need to rush but I am concious that its hard to keep talking about things (w sent me some rental property links off her own back last night on messaging) without the action looking like pushing forward which is at odds with being patient.

My own thoughts are to back off, lower MY volume and see what w does. If she seems more comfortable that's the way to go. I am wary on two fronts though w wants to see my more decisive side and not "go with the flow" which is in conflict with that and also I don't want to seem unimportant in decisions being made (an old mistake of mine).

Anyway s is still here as w had a bad night and isnt feeling too great so he's chilling out while Im wfh today and I'll get him to do some maths work soon.

Not expecting much more to happen today apart from w picking him up which I expect will be a flying visit (or I'll drop him over which would be the same).

Its the "re-entry" to solo time in the week that's sometimes a little jarring. Used to it now but feels odd after family time together. W and I did talk about this and she agrees when we're out and about and doing things she feels good, its when being in a domestic setting especially at the house that she gets her wobbles. She's working on them, I'll just be patient and validate for now and keep mr fixit under control until he's needed.

Cheers all.