Today, I met the cousin of a friend (who is really the wife of Stbx ' s friend, but we've remained close ). Anyway, this friend's cousin is also separated. I told her how my stbx told me he was leaving while our daughter was napping, and a week after he said he was not planning to do that. He left that night and couch-sufed for a couple of weeks till he found a temp apartment. (It took a few months for him to sign a lease, and then a few more for him to have a room set up for our D).
Anyway, she said, "really? Wow, that [censored]. I'm sorry ".
My point is that there are a million ways to deal with an unhappy marriage, and a million ways to get divorced. And your stbx (and mine ) did so in particularly crappy ways.
So it's ok to be angry, I think. And I'm glad you recognize that the anger needs to find a new home (haha), because eventually it will not serve you well. Their choices reveal much more about THEM than anything about us.
You hold yourself to high standards and expect others to do the same. And now you know the danger of having too many expectations. So, the suitcases incident perhaps was thoughtless, but not necessarily vicious. I encourage you to let some of that stuff go, for your own sake. Practice being the kind of person who doesn't keep score or see things like that as personal attacks. (I am guilty of this too, by the way).
Ok this post started with a hug and ended a lot more preachy than I wanted. You are dealing with a super stressful thing --sselling a home and moving-- not by your choice and without help. It suxxxxxx. I'm sorry you have to deal with this.
Try to keep your mind on being the kind of person whose story is, "I did this all by myself with my head held high and created my own peace and happiness " rather than the person who says, "my jerky ex was a jerk face and left me and I had to do all of this alone and he is a jerk" (does that make sense? )
Hugs. Big big big hugs. The thought of moving makes me panic so I will reread this in the future!!
