Confused 5

[Joe46]

Joe,

I am absolutely going to bring that up to the attorney. I would hope that a judge might question a child being around that type of employment. Especially if he heard some of the things I have heard.

I am just trying to play it cool right now so I don't stir the pot before attorney gets involved. She is trying to figure out how to get to town to get her a new truck so she can haul some of her furniture down. I am not sure why she wants kids down there anyway. She never does anything with them. She just lives in her room. I wouldn't be surprised if her contact with them becomes less and less after she moves. I think she is running to someone else. They can have her as far as I am concerned! Good luck to who ever it is!!

How do you feel about letting W go now that you have some 20/20 hindsight? What are your thoughts?

Thank you Wonka for checking in. I have been doing alot of thinking the past week. Please excuse me if this gets long. I am feeling at peace right now. As far as hindsight, I should have been paying more attention a long time ago. There were alot of signs that I should have been watching my back and taking more control of the finances. This was one thing WW brought up was me being controlling. The one thing I will admit to being controlling was paying bills. WW was terrible with bills. Really good at lying to me about them. I had a gut feeling and I should have followed it. I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt. I wanted to trust her.

I have always had trouble with trust. Probably why it was so easy for me to live alone on those ranches with just my dogs. God put this person in my life for a reason. I have 3 wonderful step kids and 2 wonderful children because of it. I will always be grateful for that. Maybe he wanted me to change the way I was. And this is the way for me to do it. Just like when I started AA, I had to take a good hard look at myself and what I have done. I had to make amends. I am still looking at my part in the demise of my marriage. I have told my W I am sorry for the things I did( I had a list that I read to her). I asked for forgiveness. Now I am going to work to better myself, so that someday someone else will want to be with me and I will know better how to treat that person.

There are going to be several things that will be a challenge. The kids being home while I work. I am about 3 minutes away. D12 will get paid to watch S7. He has a program that I will take him to in the mornings through summer. I will come and check on them every couple hours and of course come home for lunch. I will find fun things to do in the evening and on weekends so we spend alot of time together until they go to their mom's. So far the plan is for them to go there July and 2 weeks of August and than home before school starts. Money will be tight, but I will manage. Luckily I have a great boss so if I need to be home with a sick kid or whatever, it is not a problem. I have been doing everything with the kids through all this anyway.

I have not told WW I am filing. I am debating on when to say anything. I did do something that felt really good tonight. Something that I normally would have got involved in and told her my opinion and tried to fix it when it got screwed up. WW went and bought a new truck yesterday. Probably not the best type of vehicle if she plans to be driving alot with these kids. Higher miles, big tires and not very good gas mileage. Well today she sold her old car to someone. Of course I am still wondering how she got this deal done without getting the title notarized. Well right after she sold the car and the new owner drove away. Her new truck would not start. Obviously she was not happy. I said nothing. I did look at a few things, but as soon as she said make sure you don't mess with this or that, I handed her back the keys and walked away. I have always fixed her vehicles in the past. It was kinda habit to look at it. Not my problem now. Only if my kids are in it. I did not even feel guilty about not helping.

Some things that occurred to me today that WW I'm sure has not thought of. She will be off our health ins once I file. We are on a coop thing so it is real reasonable. She will be in charge of her own. Kids are on the state health care plan. If they have to go to the doctor while in her care, she will have to pay.

Up until a couple years ago, I really thought I could trust W. There are a few things that are huge with me. Trust is one. Not lying to me is the other. I know no one is perfect. Little white lies every now and than are one thing. Lying to my face about major things over and over are a REAL problem.

I have been looking at the other reasons why I am filing besides the biggest one, MY KIDS. This job of hers. I want to be with someone that respects my feelings about something like that. Not someone that says, just deal with it, I am not quitting. To me what she is doing is infidelity.

I want to be with someone that WANTS to be with me.

All the lies she has told, who knows what else she has done. If I don't file and she leaves and has some relationship or multiple ones, she would be committing adultery because we are still married. I also don't want to be with someone who is still my W and has been with someone else. The thought of being married to me and than sleeping with someone else just makes me want to puke! She admitted to doing things when her and her first husband first separated( found this out just last summer).

I have my faults and have things to fix about myself and relationships, but I deserve better. I deserve to be happy. I deserve to be in a relationship with trust and honor and respect both ways.


There is probably more on my brain right now, but I am tired and going to bed. Wonka, if you have any thoughts I would love to hear(read) them. I do know if it wasn't for this forum and learning to detach, I would have still been a mess and would not have handled her wanting to leave well.