mlc rut

[BrightFuture]

AJ, yes, you are right, I have been thinking about GAL as some kind of activity outside of the house. When you put it this way, that it could be some time alone, it makes more sense now. Plus, it takes away some pressure, LOL.

To me the point is to live your life as you WANT to live it. And in some cases, we don't know what that life would look like without our long term partner in the picture. So we often encourage people to try things they haven't done before (within reason) and "explore" the life they may not have even considered existed beyond their previous relationship.

– Yes, I agree with this. Thank for “spelling” it out for me.

25yearsmlc, this made me think: “Being stuck can feel less terrifying than moving forward, which could be the root of their "stuckness".” You might hit the nail on the head here. And thank you for sharing your experience in Alaska. Sounds like you had to push yourself very hard there.

I don’t understand what you found to be hilarious in my descriptions of the main issue that H brought up. I’m sorry if it was not very clear or sounded ridiculous (which it probably does to people who didn’t know us in our M.) It could be that I didn’t describe it well enough. English is my second language, so it is quite possible that what I write sounds right to me, but not to other people.

I also might misstated that this was the main issue. The main issue was that he was no longer in love with me. And here are the others that I was told about right after the BD:
1. We argued about his female friends. Hence I displayed the trends of jealousy and being clingy. – I admit that (to a certain extend) and have been working on this.
2. We didn’t talk like we used to at the beginning of the marriage. – True. Lots of resentment built over the years.
3. He didn’t want out marriage to be like one of my parents with constant arguing. He only has about 10-15 years to live (judging by his family’s history), so he wants to be happy for the remaining part of life.
4. I was spying on him, hence he lost the trust. – Partially true. I was authorized to look at the accounts, etc. Was it my fault that I was able to spot the questionable stuff and ask him about it?
5. I was very negative and this is something he said would never change. – True. I had the tendency to be negative (I thought it was being realistic.) This issue I fixed, I can say that 100%. He is actually more negative than I’m these days, LOL.
6. I didn’t like to go the concerts. – Completely not true. Not sure where it came from. Actually I have an idea, but not going to go into it here.
7. I didn’t like to go to the bars with him. – Also not true.
8. I didn’t make lots of friends and didn’t keep in touch with people I met. – Partially true. I’m just not one of these people who are in touch with anybody and everybody 24/7, like on Facebook, if you know what I mean.
9. H’s sister said to him that she was surprised that we even were still together. – This one completely doesn’t make sense to me, but it was one of the reasons.
These are the once I remember. I might have missed some. Feel free to say that those are hilarious too. Some of them actually are. And I don’t know what he would say the issues were in our M if you ask him now. He might actually not know anymore.

Sorry for the high jack again.

Pbetra, I know what you mean about not being detached enough. I’m coming to 3 years post DB, and I still have the moments…

Congratulations on losing the weight! I’ve trying to lose a few LBs, but without success. I do meditation too. It helps. How about friends? Do you any close friends, GFs?