Maybell XXXV: Almost There

[Zues126]

You've got my prayers Maybell. And one other thing...honestly, if I was in your shoes, I think I'd be feeling the same things and trying to handle it the same way. And that's if I flatter myself, because I'm not even sure I could walk the walk you're walking.

What I'm most impressed with is that you understand you can't expect better from him, that you're only hurting yourself with your anger, and that you genuinely want to grow through it. Most people would just keep pointing out their ex's flaws as if to justify it. But while that's a healthy goal, you definitely have to feel that way and sort through it. Look at it this way- you won't feel this way in 100 more posts. Each post is one closer to when it's over.

For me, I'm struggling with that not with my STBX, but with my sister. You might recall she's the one that was best buddies with my STBX from just before BD through her 'harmless flings' as my sis put it, to her summer of 'letting loose' as she put it. She's the one that believes that my STBX is a person of high character, that this is just normal, that people should do what makes them happy. I can forgive my sister for her role in the destruction of my family, I can accept that people will feel differently than me about what it means to be a person of character and how important M is...but I am not yet ready to spend time with her. Partly it is because my STBX and I are heading to mediation then possibly court, and I don't trust my sister to not have a negative impact during these negotiations by unintentionally stirring the pot. But part of it is that I just want nothing to do with someone that thinks this is 'best for everyone'.

My point is I'm dealing with that, and it's tough because while it does us no good to hold on to negative feelings, those feelings are there to help us. I know you know all of this Maybell. I'm sorry if I'm doing the guy thing and trying to be a 'solver'. I just wanted to relate that it's very difficult.

For what it's worth, I don't see you as a negative person, a victim, or a blamer. And I think you'll get where you want to be before you know it. But until then know that your screams are heard.