Reality is my middle name

[123Gwen]

Thanks Job, Lou, Birght, Mirage and friends for checking on me. I am doing okay. Mother's Day was nice with my girls and I only cried a bit at the end of the day. Next up is our 26th anniversary but at least I will be at work for most of the day.

All these milestone dates leave me feeling unbelievably sad. I knew this was going to be hard but I do believe that by my birthday I will feel like I have survived this catastrophic event. I mean the consequences will still be felt. The aftershocks are real but I think I will feel some sense of closure after the the first year.

One ride around the sun. One complete set of holidays. All four seasons and 12 months later I will have survived. I didn't think I could survive. Seriously I was not sure if I'd be sane because he left and he still runs away from me and our girls.

Even his mother told me the man I married does not exist. She told me even his voice sounds completely different. That is about as much validation I am ever going to get that I am not crazy. I survived all of it and for some reason that gives me permission to detach a bit. The one year mark is about 10 weeks away but now I see that it is coming and I welcome the chance to say I survived a year after BD. It's a huge step.