Ok. Fair enough. But I can only tell you what I did.
I was so confused on what to do, someone on the forum commented that I wanted someone to chew my food for me. I was lost. But in the end, I did what I wanted to do irregardless and it failed miserably. I am a hard headed man and only doing it my way and failing could I have learned.
But after my "fall", I gained clarity. I realized what I had to do. I'm not suggesting you go and blow up the situation just so you can test your theory but I can tell you that right now, in the face of paralyzing confusion, you have to address YOU.
Only getting stronger can you see the clarity of what you need to do. Otherwise, you can learn by experience like me.
Most LBS's who have to live at home with a WAW in an A fog is a soul destroying experience.
This is somewhat true. I'm not suggesting going back or staying away, just understand what the possible outcomes of each will bring. She very well will go nuclear and make things very uncomfortable for you. You just have to decide for yourself if that's something you can handle in a healthy way. Its something you have to live with either way.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
I dunno Fogg. My heart goes out to BEC because I remember that confusion. It was horrible. Nothing made sense. No one made any sense. So I acted on my impulse (NG doormat) and it failed miserably.
I've done the same thing. Tried to stand up and not be that doormat and it blew up in my face. I've done the same with boundaries also, tried to do one and just screwed it up because I didn't know what I was doing. You get in that mindset of them respecting you and you standing up for yourself if you do XX. Well, you do it wrong and it only makes things worse for you. Reason I think you have to really consider what may happen. It is very confusing.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Plus there is that huge unknown for me: I really cannot tell what the deal with the friend is.
There is enough pointing in either direction. I am trying to view it as objectively as I can. I think I can honestly say that it's not because I want to believe her and am being naive.
But there is alot that points toward she is telling the truth. But I still have some suspicions. So I'm torn.
For now I know it is clear that I need to continue with the dimming approach I'm taking. Respecting NC with the exception of kids / finances.
I even pulled my very first GAL today. Before my backslide last week her and I were possibly going to go out together on Wednesday. Then the backslide happened so obviously us going out was not going to happen.
She usually goes bowling on Wednesday nights but last Wednesday was the last night of the season. I had been going over there at like 4 in the afternoon the last 6 months and she would leave and not come home until 930 or 10. Our kids are young and are in bed by 8.
So the GAL I pulled was when I was communicating with her about the schedule for seeing the kids the next few days I made sure to tell her that on Wednesday I would see them until about 745....because I had plans with some friends so I would not be staying at the house after the kids went to sleep.
I'm going to go out and do something Wednesday night.
And it shows her that....if you don't want to spend time with me than I'm going to go out and do something with friends instead....and I'm not going to be your babysitter anymore. My time with the kids is for me and them....while they are awake.
BEC, even if there was OM involved, you'd still have to detach and go dim. I doubt anyone would recommend you move back into home if an OM was confirmed unless you were trying to assert your rights as a father for D proceedings.
BEC, even if there was OM involved, you'd still have to detach and go dim. I doubt anyone would recommend you move back into home if an OM was confirmed unless you were trying to assert your rights as a father for D proceedings.
I think it is becoming clearer and clearer to me through this conversation what the better choice is for right now.
