This morning she texts me from the basement about doing groceries as a family as she needs some business groceries as well, I politely decline and say I will do groceries and she could pick up her own. Later we head to her sister's house as a family (my son asked for us all to go) SIL is aware of our switch. On the way out my wife ignores an out of town call on her cell phone (new vehicles are great) I don't recognize the number but memorized it. I did not react,did not obsess about it (I did google it though) She still talked about the summer with her sister (including me in the plans) I have to play cool and stay detached Admit her behaviour has me confused at times but from what I have read it is the norm for a WW.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
Quick update Almost done reading DB. W wanted to talk a little after dinner. Asked how I was , said I am good. Asked what I felt about our situation, I just said I am working on being happy. Also said this situation is difficult for everyone. She did say she needs some space to figure out what she wants. Asked me if I wanted her to move out, I said that is your decision to make. Said she feels trapped at home in the basement, I said I understand how that feels( i exiled myself down there last fall for a few days so yes I do know how it feels) I was a validating machine, I wasn't reactionary, I let her finish speaking each time, I did not show emotions/ stayed neutral. She kind of thought out loud if I had had enough and was done with her. I did not say anything,just smiled politely. Inside I'm screaming come back to me! She might go stay at my brothers house while he is out of town and offer to pay rent so she can clear her head. Said she can't go stay with her BFF ( I'm glad because I think she has offered the wrong kind of support/has her own long list of men problems) Detaching and GALing is working, has her thinking of things. I am seeing small minute changes I think Time will tell. My DBing continues
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
I think she was temp checking today. Got some texts this morning about her truck and some repairs. I told her previously I would look at it but she was asking again about it. Then just before I leave work I get asked what I would like for dinner. I said I'll have the leftovers then she proceeds to tell me she hasn't felt well and unable to eat much and may have to go to emergency to get checked out. I came home and comforted her a little by rubbing her back and saying I'm still here for you (backsliding comment?) I went out with the kids and she said she would text me if she was going to the hospital. She did not,she went and bought sushi. When we got home she asked if I would poke her stomach to see where the pain was and I said what would that really accomplish? Said it nicely A few minutes later she asked if things were okay. I reply yes why? She said You seemed caring earlier but not now, did she do something wrong? I replied no
Was I out of line? Open to comments suggestions Maybe her pain is the guilt she is feeling?..
Last edited by Mrrch; 05/21/1501:59 AM.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
From experience a bit. Don't read into what is happening just go with the flow, and stay as happy and detached as possible. It seems you are doing a lot of things well, and just need to stay on course. My W would ask for some of the same things as far as rubbing or what not, but in the end it was meant nothing. Saying that though, you have to do what you feel comfortable with. If you can do what you want and not get to attached to the emotions do it. If it gets to be a problem for you to handle step back and reassess the stich. Just keep up the work. It's never really a right or wrong, it's what do you really want? What can you do to be the real you that would make yourself happy.
She had to go to emergency this morning,S5 was home sick from school. She asked if i could ask my brother to watch him but he was busy. She says she'll have to take him with her. Ok Then she asks if i could come home to watch him, i said bring him to my work. Drops him off and i say to keep me posted, if you are quick come pick up S. A barrage of texts follow. Said I'm uncaring of how she is feeling,making her jump through hoops, feels she is inconveniecing me. I validated her about how she feels physically. i said i still do care very much for my wife and that i am still here for her. She does not handle physical pain well so maybe she is lashing out at an easy target.
Last edited by Mrrch; 05/21/1505:50 PM.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
Maybe a turn for the better. W has been admitted and will have gall bladder surgery. D7 and I brought a few things to her tonight. W could tell I was worried about her being in the hospital. I think she might have had an epiphany about what really matters. She said she loves me and is willing to work on our marriage. She said she needs to work on herself. I am cautiously optimistic. I will continue With GAL because it makes ME feel good. I will continue on this forum(wish we weren't here but it is full of great people going through the toughest times of their lives but are willing to help others) I'll keep you posted
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
Her being in the hospital alone yesterday may have given her a glimpse into her future. I am still going to stay dim (not dark) i was always the fixer so I am just going 180 that urge and validate only. I hope her comments do not fall under the category of "believe nothing they say and half of what you see" Staying detached and not going to get caught up in the moment.
Me 44 Her 33 T 14 M 7 D 7 S 5 First bomb July 2014 Second bomb May 2015
